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Zazzerpan, or Zazzerpan the Learned, is a twenty foot tall, ten ton granite Wizard originally found in Rose's living room. It belongs to Mom who has a fixation on wizards.

Zazzerpan appears in one of Rose's journals. While Rose believed that mother's apparent fixation with wizards was, much like John's Dad's fixation with harlequins, just an attempt to bond with her daughter, Roxy Lalonde's corresponding obsession with wizards implies that it was genuine.

The wizard is used by Dave to open Rose's Cruxtruder before being tossed outside the house, breaking his hand. The hand is later sucked up by a cyclone, flinging it at the Cruxite Bottle causing the bottle to be knocked into the river at a crucial moment.

Zazzerpan has been shown to have been taken into The Medium along with Rose and her house.

It is also shown that the hand remains in the year 2422 when it is shown to be near the location of the Skyship Base that is found by Wayward Vagabond, showing that it was the original location of Rose's house.

Post-Scratch, he appears in Complacency of the Learned.

In the Game Over timeline, the statue has been seen detached from LOLAR and floating in the B2 sessionSburb Logo.

Most recently, Zazzerpan was utilized in a Fraymotif in [S] Collide with Rose, Roxy and John. The Fraymotif involves spinning the aforementioned wizard around the target, combining the powers of Breath and Void (presumably).