This page will be a list of events in Homestuck, starting at Bec's arrival on Earth, and continuing from there, in order to help people understand the time shenanigans and weird plot shit that happens. Feel free to edit it with information that you guys know, because obviously a single person can't know everything only Andrew Hussie knows everything. Not even him.
Beforus (A1)
????-??-??, ??:??: A1 trolls begin playing
????-??-??, ??:??: They deem the game unwinnable and initiate the scratch
????-??-??, ??:??: Meenah uses the A1 tumor to kill herself and the rest of the A1 trolls
????-??-??, ??:??: The scratch activates and resets the universe so A2 can take place
Alternia (A2)
????-??-??, ??:??: Scratch arrives on Alternia.
????-??-??, ??:??: Events surrounding the Ancestors unfold. See Ancestors for details.
????-??-??, ??:??: Team Charge debacle. See Flarp for details.
????-??-??, ??:??: Aradia discovers the second frog temple, Sollux begins programming Sgrub.
????-??-??, ??:??: Trolls enter their Medium. See Troll teams for details on entry order.
????-??-??, ??:??: Vriska is fatally injured by Aradiabot and uses this to ascend to god tier status.
????-??-??, ??:??: Trolls win their Sgrub session, creating the B1 universe.
????-??-??, ??:??: Jack arrives in the trolls' session, the Mysterious Countdown starts. Further events are listed on that page.
????-??-??, ??:??: Jack Noir, along with the other exiled Dersites end up on Alternia. Jack Noir becomes Spades Slick. All exiles except Spades Slick presumably interact with their corresponding trolls on their computer terminals.
????-??-??, ??:??: Spades Slick, Hearts Boxcars, Clubs Deuce, and Diamonds Droog form the Midnight Crew.
????-??-??, ??:??: The Midnight Crew somehow ends up on Alternia's Green Moon and begin to build a new civilization.
????-??-??, ??:??: Lord English, Doc Scratch, Snowman, and Lord English's Leprechauns form The Felt and move to the Felt Manor on the Green Moon
????-??-??, ??:??: The events of the first Intermission begin and the Midnight Crew raids the Felt Manor
????-??-??, ??:??: Confusing time shenanigans ensue and by the end, presumably the only ones alive are Spades Slick, Snowman, and Lord English. Spades Slick enters the Felt Manor's safe only to find a computer terminal, which allows him to finally interact with his troll, Karkat Vantas.
????-??-??, ??:??: Spades Slick shoots Snowman destroying the universe.
Pre-Scratch Earth (B1)
412,997,991-04-13 BCE, ??:??: Becquerel arrives on Skaian Meteor #1, along with the Frog Temple.
1910-04-13, ??:??: Nanna is taken in by Colonel Sassacre.
1910-04-21, ??:??: Skaian Meteor #2 arrives in the Colonel's backyard, carrying Jade's Grandpa. The impact destroys Halley's dog house, but it doesn't kill the pet himself. Grandpa subsequently kills the Colonel with dual flintlock pistols, and the dog becomes the duo's new guardian.
1923-04-21, ??:??: Grandpa Harley leaves with Halley, leaving Nanna to be raised by Betty Crocker.
1964-01-07, ??:??: Nicolas Cage, the favorite actor of both John and Vriska, is born.
197?-??-??, ??:??: Somewhere around this point in the timeline, meteors containing Rose's Mom and Dave's Bro presumably arrive.
1995-12-01, ??:??: Skaian Meteor #3 arrives while Dad and Nanna are taking a walk by the Betty Crocker factory in their neighborhood. Jade Harley arrives.
1995-12-03, ??:??: Jade and Grandpa Harley settle the newfound island. Bec watches from the Temple. The meteor carrying Dave Strider is overhead, and it lands later that day.
1995-12-04, ??:??: Dave's Bro collects Dave from the impact site. The meteor carrying Rose Lalonde enters the atmosphere and lands near a lake in the eastern US.
1996-04-13, ??:??: John Egbert's meteor arrives. It lands the same neighborhood as #2, destroying Prankster's Gambit and killing Nanna. Rose's Mom flees; Dad stores her scarf for later.
1997-06-06, ??:??: Con Air is released. This is where the Bunny's journey begins.
????-12-01, ??:??: At one of the past Jade's birthdays, she receives the package sent by John (from the future, for her 13th birthday), containing the blue Green Slime Ghost shirt and some pumpkin seeds.
????-??-??, ??:??: Grandpa Harley dies and is subsequently stuffed by Jade.
2008?-04-13, 4:13 (PM): John and Jade have the first conversation EVER.
2008-08-26, ??:??: This picture
is taken.
2008-12-1/3/4, ??:??: In a four day period Jade's, Rose's and Dave's birthdays happen. All four kids exchange various packages.
2009-04-10, ??:??: Sburb Beta is released. This is the original date of Homestuck.
2009-04-13, 4:13 (PM): John's birthday. Homestuck: Act 1 begins.
2009-04-13, ~5:30 (PM): John enters the Medium. Act 1 ends and Act 2 begins.
2009-04-13, ~9:30 (PM): Rose enters the Medium. Act 3 ends and Act 4 begins.
2009-04-14, ~1:30 (AM): Dave enters the Medium.
2009-04-14, ~5:00 (AM): Act 4 ends. The Reckoning starts at this point. The narrative next focuses on the trolls' arc (detailed sequence below).
2009-04-14, ~5:30 (AM): Jade enters the Medium. Each entrance is represented by a meteor, with Jade's and Dave's meteors being the two biggest ones. Jade's meteor is exploded by kernelsprite Becquerel, preventing the Earth from destruction but in turn barring it from all human life.
2009-04-14, ??:??: John retrieves the tumor and asks CD and Liv Tyler to deliver it to Rose. Jade breeds the Genesis Frog. Rose goes grimdark. Both Rose and Dave are killed by Jack Noir. Their dream selves set off with the Moon of Derse to deliver the tumor to the location of the green sun, hoping to explode it, but instead creating it.
2009-04-15, ~5:00 (AM): The scratch happens. By this time, all four kids have become god tier, alpha Dave and Rose are inside the Green Sun, and John and Jade have crossed the Fourth Wall and entered the realm of Hussie's direct interference.
2009-08-??, ??:??: In Dave's alternate future, he goes back in time and becomes Davesprite, and Rose's dream self merges with alpha Rose's mind. As John and Jade are dead, the scratch in the way we know it is prevented.
2422-04-13, ??:??: The exiles stumble upon several bases, get them all in one place, and start rebuilding the civilization. The Writ Keeper and Jack Noir emerge from the Lotus Time Capsule. Jack Noir kills AR, WQ , and WK. He fatally wounds WV and absconds to the trolls' Sgrub Session. PM transports WV to the meteor, and Serenity follows. PM proceeds to follow Jack Noir (who is in turn following the meteor) for three years.
Post-Scratch Earth (B2)
????-??-??, ??:??: Poppop and Grandma arrive on their meteors and are adopted by Sassacre and the Condesce.
????-??-??, ??:??: Jake's Grandma is killed and his house destroyed by the Condesce.
2011-11-11, 11:00 (AM): Act 6 begins.
2011-11-11, 11:10 (AM): Jane and Jake have a conversation.
2011-11-11, 11:11 (AM): Crockercorp undergoes a rebranding, changing its "spoon" logo into the Condesce's "fork" logo.
2011-11-11, ??:??: Jane enters the Medium. The Condesce reveals herself to the world.
2011-11-11, ??:??: , Roxy, Jake, and Dirk enter the medium at around the same time.
2012-04-12, ??:??: Timeskip ends (after 5 months of futzing around in the Medium). Roxy and Jane prepare for Jane's birthday.
2012-04-13, ??:??: The B2 kids come down from their Trickster Mode trip. Jack Noir becomes imbued with English's power, and the Condesce and Jack destroy Derse and Prospit's moons, respectively. The kids all ascend to god tier. Jack lunges at Jake and Jane, and Jade arrives in the session just in time to save them. The Condesce mind-controls Jade, who in turn teleports Jane's Tiaratop onto her head. Jade teleports to the remains of Derse's moon, and intercepts Dirk, who is about to punch the Condesce by teleporting him away. She then captures Roxy, while Jane did the same to Jake, and they brought their captives to the Condesce
2012-04-13, ??:??: The meteor arrives in the B2 Incisphere along with the Battleship. The surviving B2 Trolls and A1 Kids, along with Jake meet up on the victory platform. They all split up to prepare for the oncoming battles of the Condesce, Bec Noir, Jack English, Spades Slick and The Felt, and Lord English.
2012-04-13, ??:??: The events of Collide occur. The Condesce along with all other enemies are killed except for Lord English.
2012-04-13, ??:??: All the surviving characters enter the door leading to the new universe with Earth.
????-??-??, ??:??: Condesce starts converting Earth. Roxy's Mom and Dirk's Bro are killed by her in a last effort to stop her.
2409-??-??, ??:??: Roxy and Dirk's meteors land on Future Earth.
2422-??-??, ??:??: Dirk tells Jake about Earth's past (or from Jake's perspective, future) and the Condesce's actions.
2424-??-??, ??:??: Squarewave enters The Medium with Roxy's house, and Sawtooth enters The Medium with Dirk's.
????-??-??, ??:??: Earth is moved to another universe.
????-??-??, ??:??: Calliope and Caliborn hatch.
????-??-??, ??:??: Caliborn enters the medium.
New Universe (Earth C)
????-??-??, ??:??: The events of Act 7 occur. Lord English is presumably killed.
0000-01-01, ??:??: All surviving characters who know about Universe C inhabit the Earth placed in the new universe to begin new lives. The surviving group enters the meteor and ectobiologically creates the first batch of Humans, Trolls, and Carapacians. Wayward Vagabond and Peregrine Mendicant take the batch to presumably spread across Earth to create the new civilization.
5000-??-??, ??:??: The humans and trolls time travel 5,000 years into the future to observe the new Earth's future.
5001-??-??, ??:??: Kanaya and Rose get married.
5002-04-13, ??:??: John celebrated his 18th birthday. Most of the humans and Karkat are present.
5002-04-13, ??:??: Terezi is shown near an unidentified black hole and is looking for what is assumed to be Vriska.
5002-??-??, ??:??: Jane and Jake found CrockerCorp and Skaianet Industries respectively. Crockercorp's stock is shown to be going up.
5003-04-13, ??:??: John celebrates his 19th birthday. Jade arrives at his house and Rose, Kanaya, Roxy, Calliope, and the Carapacians all wish him a happy birthday. Rose and Kanaya are shown to be doing well in breeding new batches of trolls.
5004-04-13, ??:??: John celebrates his 20th birthday, he recieves an authentic Dad hat and pipe. Caliborn (who has attained God Tier and pool ball eyes) sends him threatening messages.
5004-04-13, ??:??: John breaks his phone with a hammer.
5???-??-??. ??:??: Roxy and Calliope go out to dinner together and invite Jane, but Jane is intercepted and sent to the moon, which is to be blown up.