- This page is about the adventure known as Problem Sleuth, for the character of the same name, see Problem Sleuth (character).
|RIDICULOUS FOLLY. INEXCUSABLE.|
|While sloppy is fine, it might be good idea to arrange this particular page because, to be quite frank, as it is right now, it is just total shit.|
Problem Sleuth is a maximalist adventure game/webcomic presented on MS Paint Adventures. It is the tale of a particularly hard-boiled detective named Problem Sleuth (PS) and a steadily increasing cast of characters, most of which are variations of Problem Sleuth himself, his rival Ace Dick, or their socially awkward acquaintance, the Pickle Inspector. Putting aside their differences, they struggle against the Mobster Kingpin to escape from their office building and go out to the Real City Streets. The first Problem Sleuth scene is dated 3/10/2008. It begins by introducing the Problem Sleuth character in his office. This adventure was finished on 3/10/2009, making it the second longest adventure Andrew Hussie has created and the first to be completed. Search results also show it is the second most popular MS Paint Adventures comic, just behind Homestuck. The comic finished with a total of 1,673 pages.
Numerical data about Problem Sleuth are maintained here.
The Making of PS Edit
The author, Andrew Hussie (AH), presents a scene which typically consists of a drawing and some text. Updates are made almost daily. Suggestions are encouraged from readers on the direction that the storyline will take. Players of this game use the "suggestion box" to type in their commands to the game's characters. Unlike predecessors of the text-based game genre, the storyline is only limited by the imagination of the author and participants. The author, AH, has the final decision as to what will become part of the Problem Sleuth canon.
AH has mentioned in the FAQ that although the website is called MS Paint Adventures, only the first scene of Jailbreak was made using the program MS Paint. All subsequent scenes were made using Photoshop.
- COMPENSATION, ADEQUATE (Started 03/10/08, ended 03/17/08)
- TOO HOT TO HANDLE (Started 03/17/08, ended 04/06/08)
- PERSECUTED BY UNSCRUPULOUS WHORES (Started 04/06/08, ended 04/14/08)
- HAIRPIN TRIGGER (Started 04/14/08, ended 05/16/08)
- THE DEGENERATE GAMBLERS (Started 05/16/08, ended 06/04/08)
- MORE WEIRD PUZZLE SHIT (Started 06/04/08, ended 06/18/08)
- FIT OF HYSTERICS (Started 06/18/08, ended 07/12/08)
- THE SLEAZY BROTHEL IN THE SKY (Started 07/12/08, ended 07/30/08)
- THIS IS COMPLETE BULLSHIT (Started 08/13/08, ended 08/19/08)
- THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN SO BADASS (Started 08/19/08, ended 09/01/08)
- TWO LUMPS (Started 09/01/08, ended 09/15/08)
- SUITOR TO THE SODAJERK'S CONFIDANTE (Started 09/17/08, ended 09/26/08)
- DMK (Started 09/26/08, ended 10/09/08)
- ACTUALLY, THIS IS A LOT OF FUN (Started 10/09/08, ended 10/27/08)
- TRIPLE COMB RAVE (Started 10/28/08, ended 11/02/08)
- SUPERNATURAL GOURD (Started 11/02/08, ended 11/26/08)
- BLACK LIQUID SORROW (Started 11/26/08, ended 12/11/08)
- SUPERSTRING STRATA (Started 12/11/08, ended 12/21/08)
- ASCENSION/ALIGNMENT/CONJUGATION (Started 12/21/08, ended 01/08/09)
- TEMPORAL REPLICOLLISION (Started 01/16/09, ended 01/29/09)
- BHMK (Started 01/29/09, ended 02/15/09)
- SEPULCHRITUDE (Started 02/15/09, ended 03/10/09)
EPILOGUE (Started 03/16/09, ended 04/07/09)
Recap #1 Edit
Problem Sleuth's author wrote some great play-by play summaries built into the game. The first was featured on 11/08/08 in a scene titled "RECAP!!! Please?" which reads: "While Ace Dick sets up the rather complicated board game, Death clicks his BALL POINT Scythe and jots down a few notes in his Tome of Wayfaring Souls.
"He documents the tale of three detectives trapped in their offices. In the due course of time, they escaped from their offices, only do discover they were still trapped in what could loosely be considered a larger office building, held hostage by an unscrupulous mob boss named Mobster Kingpin. MK wets his bill in just about everything, liquor bootlegging, laundering, embezzling treasure concealed in stone busts, prostitution outfits orchestrated by his Madame accomplice along with sinister urban mural rackets. Additionally, MK guards the Megaton Key required by the sleuths to exit to the Real City Streets which are in dire need of their sleuthing services!
"The detectives were able to escape their offices by accomplishing various feats both inside their offices, and on the Imaginary City Streets, a realm accessible in ways twofold: Through A) electrically-powered Window Portals, and B) Alcohol-fueled spells of Imagination from within the safety of a small Fort.
"The detectives additionally advanced their situation by forming alliances with various kingdoms residing on the flip-side of the imaginary universe. Problem Sleuth befriended Elves, Pickle Inspector befriended Weasels, Ace Dick befriended Hogs, and unfortunately, Mobster Kingpin made an ally as well in Clowns. Each aided his ally in its struggle against its warring party and received boons for their efforts. Eventually, Problem Sleuth used his heightened diplomatic abilities to resolve all disputes among the KINGDOMS, thus winning him favor with the Weasel King.
"Through the boons of their respective efforts, the sleuths gained a mysterious form of cognizance regarding their Female Alter Egos. PS cognized awareness of Hysterical Dame, PI cognized Nervous Broad, and of course, AD merely cognized himself for lack of Imagination. These ladies were revealed to be trapped in a doll house in MK's office, a room which he himself was proven to be trapped in as well, only freeing himself upon receiving his boon from the clowns. The females had to overcome their prison as well as their DIMINUTIVE SIZES by accomplishing various feats within their rooms, utilizing SIZE ALTERING PORTALS to and from the Imaginary Universe involving a music box, a storefront, a mirror, a manhole, and a jacuzzi.
"Meanwhile, the sleuths engaged in battle with various DEMONS in the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE, gradually increasing their skill levels and adding to their repertoires of Battle Techniques and Combat Operandi. At one point, Ace Dick brewed a batch of CANDY CORN LIQUOR. The resulting explosion from the volatile concoction is ultimately what freed them from their offices. (For him, by blowing a hole in his front wall. For PS, by triggering an event which caused the OBOE to be dislodged from the back doors.) Later, Pickle Inspector drank the CANDY CORN LIQUOR to max out his IMAGINATION gauge, giving him tremendous powers in the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE.
His powers lead to these consequences.
A) Splitting himself into 8 clones.
B) One of those clones turning into a monster which killed most of the clones, and was then shot by...
C) One which summoned a Candy Mecha, and then later killed by the "female" AD in the DOLL HOUSE.
D) One rising into the sky and becoming Godhead Pickle Inspector.
E) One using ABSTRACTED THOUGHT, allowing the real PI to function in reality, while the imaginary ones remain.
"Also meanwhile, Ace Dick (the original one) found the Control Room containing a complicated PUZZLE and a Code Machine. First, he tried jumping out of his SIDEWAYS WINDOW, fell through the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE sideways, and died. In taking a step back, he used the CODE MACHINE to skip ahead to a point in the game where the complicated PUZZLE was solved. (It was later determined that it was Past Pickle Inspector who went back in time to solve this puzzle, and then died.) Upon solving the puzzle, a hatch opened, allowing him to travel to the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE to collect his boon from the HOGS.
"A little later, Problem Sleuth found the CONTROL ROOM too. He used the CODE MACHINE to return to an earlier state in the game, to the moment before Ace Dick jumped out the SIDEWAYS WINDOW. This time, AD was able to jump into the STOREFRONT before falling to his death. He emerged from Hysterical Dame's MUSIC BOX, causing him to be VERY SMALL. He eventually came to be normal-sized by using the various SIZE ALTERING PORTALS.
"This is how there came to be three Ace Dicks.
"Furthermore, by this point, there were two Pickle Inspectors: the original real one (PI), and his super-powered imaginary form in the future (FPI).
"After PS used the Code Machine to create the third AD, he then jumped through the UPSIDE-DOWN WINDOW with the PARACHUTE to fall through the sky of the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE, past the SLEAZY BROTHEL IN THE SKY, landing in the WEASEL KING'S palace. This is how he came to be charged with diplomatically resolving tensions among the FOUR KINGDOMS. However, he was only successful upon looking up a CHEAT CODE on GAMEFAQS, and printing it out. The PRINTOUT was generated in the ALCHEMY ROOM, which PI then took and used with the CODE MACHINE to skip ahead to the SUCCESSFUL POLITICAL NEGOTIATION. As a boon, PS received a great deal of AMMUNITION, Elf Tears, Weasel Snot, Hog Slop, Pie Filling, and the loyalty of the WEASEL KING, and was returned to reality. He then collaborated with the other ADs to fit the SKULLS of the sleuths previously slain into the slots to unlock the DOUBLE DOORS.
"In the ALCHEMY ROOM, PI also printed out a recipe for 5 Alarm Hot Sauce, which involved a Chipotle Pepper, a rare item which proved to be found beneath AD's HAT. One of the ADs prepared the concoction in the HOT SAUCE STILL and waited for it to mature.
"Upon freeing themselves from the DOLL HOUSE, HD, NB and "female" AD encountered MK, who'd just returned to his office. This sparked a fierce battle, whereby the heroines dealt damage to MK by raising his Blood Sugar and using powerful attacks such as their CHARM BREAK! and MURDER FLUX! techniques. Power for these attacks was supplied when damage was taken by their counterparts. In the meantime, PS and the other two ADs were climbing the levels to MK's office, fighting monsters along the way. Damage they took fueled the females' attacks, and vice versa.
"NB's MURDER FLUX was maxed out when PI was fooling around with windows in the CONTROL ROOM. He dropped one window through its own corresponding window portal, in spite of warnings from the Honeybee Professor. The reaction triggered a massive explosion, killing PI and the PROFESSOR. PI met with Death for TEA. The PROFESSOR pollinated the floral/fractal-based Afterlife, while GPI fondly regarded it. After her attack, MK pushed NB through his office window. She fell through the sky in a nervous manner for some time until FPI appeared from the past and caught her.
"In the course of the battle with MK, AD was killed in a suicide maneuver. He met PI and DEATH in the AFTERLIFE. Together, they eventually bested DEATH in a series of sudoko-based challenges to return to life. Pickle Inspector would bring a tear to DEATH'S eye by completing the Labrynthine Sudocube Comprehsensile.
"The earlier window explosion caused by PI was so massive, it caused a city-wide blackout in the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE. The darkness triggered the release of the terrible DEMON called Fluthlu, the final adversary PS would face at the top of the tower, which physically corresponded with the imaginary TOWER OF SYNDETIC ASCENSION connecting both sides of the universe. FLUTHLU would climb that tower and emerge through the DEATH STAR WINDOW. PS would easily kill FLUTHLU with his TRUSTY KNIVES attack.
"On the way up, one of the ADs was attacked by a Zombie Hired Muscle (who would later prove to be a hero) and became Zombie Ace Dick. ZAD snuck by FLUTHLU to discover the giant Bowen Stilson Dogg bust blocking MK's office door.
"Meanwhile, HD killed MK with KISS OF DEATH. However, MK snuck out of the AFTERLIFE while DEATH was distracted by PI and AD. MK revived himself with INSULIN SHOT, and knocked HD out cold. He then built a FORT out of his desk, drank some liquor, and retreated into the IMAGINARY UNIVERSE.
"Once the 5 ALARM HOT SAUCE was finished, the explosion destroyed the BOWEN STILSON DOGG, allowing PS into MK's office, to find MK in his fort.
"The other AD drank the 5 ALARM HOT SAUCE and became a very strong Fiesta Ace Dick.
"When FAD inverted the universe by flipping a window, this allowed MK to descend into demonhood to become Demonhead Mobster Kingpin, MK's final form. PS, FAD and ZAD went through the office and upstairs to the deck of MK's imaginary pirate ship, the Chicago Overcoat. FAD had to destroy/dislodge a series of busts along the way, including a SNOOP BUST which he tragically sent into the sky never to be seen again.
"PS flipped the ship's STEERING WHEEL to invert the universe again to begin waging battle. PI and AD, having bested Death, returned to the ship. FPI conjured CANDY ARMOR for the party, which was quickly negated by DMK's powerful attacks. The sleuth party countered with a series of their own attacks, raising DMK's BLOOD SUGAR and dealing damage by summoning the WEASEL KING, conjuring a JAWBREAKER SKYLIGHT BOMB, and invoking a COMB RAVE to execute a ridiculously powerful TRIPLE TRUFFLE SHUFFLE. DMK's first face was defeated, only to reveal DMK's second face with two fully revived health meters.
"To counter this, the sleuth party invoked their Gambit Schemas to enhance their offensive and defensive attributes.
"Meanwhile, HD and NB find themselves trapped in the Sleazy Brothel in the Sky, where they pursue a mission to best Madame Murel, MK's female counterpart and brothel matron, and plug in a giant fan for some reason.
"Also, while DMK's WEAKSPOT was exposed, AD foolishly got on top of DMK's HAT. (The AD who was at one point the "female" AD but now ironically functions as the "normal" AD.) DEATH met him on top of the HAT and then challenged him to a friendly game of LIFE, which brings us to the present moment.
"It's all so simple you wonder why you even bothered to ask." --from Problem Sleuth () dated 11/08/08.
Recap #2 Edit
The second part of the author-written summarization was featured on February 12, 2009 in a scene titled "Recap Part 2!" reprinted here:
"The Devil is touching up a few notes on his SULPHURIC TABLATURE.
"He documents a tale which was last updated in the TOME OF WAYFARING SOULS by a now rather preoccupied Death.
"When Death had finished his last entry, DMK had just exposed his second face, Team Sleuth had invoked their GAMBIT SCHEMAS, HD and NB had begun wandering through the SLEAZY BROTHEL IN THE SKY, and AD was embarking upon a game of LIFE with DEATH.
"It is that game where we pick up again.
"The match began as a friendly one but became quickly reduced to a series of boorish tactics by AD, who stole all of Death's money while he was distracted. They pursued each other in their GAME PIECES, but AD struck a defenseless woman who was crossing the street. AD pleaded with Death to spare her life, but Death was nowhere to be seen. Miraculously, the woman survived, and then AD and WIFEHEARST became married.
"With WIFEHEARST, AD sired the adorable SONHEARST. As a family they enjoyed years of peaceful, prosperous life, as AD built an empire on various illicit LEGITIMATE ESTABLISHMENTS. This activity caught the prying eye of some THUGS, who were none too pleased with AD muscling in on their boss's racket.
"One day while taking a walk, AD's family was gunned down by the THUGS. AD AUTO-PARRIED a bullet to save SONHEARST, but WIFEHEARST was not so lucky and perished. This prompted the surviving family to seek vengeance as vigilantes. They became BATHEARST and PUNISHER DICK. Unfortunately the WHEEL OF LIFE had different plans for them. Rather than fighting crime, they would be heading WEST to the open frontier.
"Tragically, BATHEARST drowned while they attempted to ford the river in their wagon. AD was inconsolable with grief and wandered the countryside, heartbroken and alone. Eventually he found a GUN underneath a Tree Stump and shot himself.
"With each successive misfortune befalling AD, DMK's EMOTIONS level increased, causing him to be susceptible to physical attacks. This allowed PS to inflict major damage through his Gambit Schema -> CANDY CORN VAMPIRE, with its heightened attributes such as increased strength, endurance, and VAMPIRE FASTNESS.
"His first move was to invoke COMBAT OPERANDI -> Armistyx, summoning Death, who was called away from his game of Life with AD. Death gave PS his SCYTHE to wield against DMK. PS utilized the SCYTHE in its various forms, culminating with the A-BOMB SCYTHE, completely wiping out one of DMK's two health meters, and well as permanently destroying the SCYTHE much to Death's sorrow.
"Concurrently to this battle, HD and NB were trapped in the BROTHEL, equipped with a couple of special CORSETS. They were confronted with a very large FAN PLUG which they needed to find a way to plug in for some reason. This lead them on a journey through the brothel which involved conducting sultry performances in a series of PRIVATE BOOTHS, which involved using items on hand to either remove a small MURAL from a wall, or conceal it with a coat of paint, or generally deface it in a rather seductive fashion.
"The performances were much to the delight of three Gentlemen, a MANNERLY HIGHBROW, a DAPPER SWAIN, and a CHURLISH TOFF, who each sat in their respective coin-operated viewing booths. Once the coin-op slot's time had expired, or became disabled in some way, the WINDOW no longer served to display the other side of the booth. Instead the windows served as portals to various TRUCKS, including a BREAD TRUCK, a CHEESE TRUCK, and a HAM TRUCK, and allowed someone to either exit the rear of the truck, or enter the cabin of the truck, depending on which side of the booth one enters from. This rear exit/cabin entrance polarity was controlled by a series of SWITCHES on the ceiling just out side the booths, accessible only to one with a significant Height attribute.
"NB used these portals to thread the FAN PLUG through them, and out the backs of their corresponding trucks. Stepping through the differently shaped portals, as well as making adjustments to her Aspect Corset, served to modify her proportions as well as her VIM attribute, which was at times useful for carrying the plug. She also helped the Highbrow to drive the BREAD TRUCK, while HD also drove the CHEESE TRUCK with the Swain to various destinations to facilitate the threading process, at one point threading the cord through the eye of the HAM NEEDLE.
"Finally, they used the HAM TRUCK to deliver the FAN PLUG to the Gutterpipe Projects, and fed it through the pipe and out the lens of the MOTION PICTURE PROJECTOR, which projected the plug at a normal scale which could fit into an outlet, and projected HD and NB at a diminutive scale. HD used her Scale Bodice to bring her scale back to normal, and entered the door of MM's STUDIO. NB remained small, and simply walked through the MOUSE HOLE with the plug.
"In the STUDIO, NB used her corset to become very tall to plug in the fan. The outlet however supplied no power, since it was controlled by a SWITCH in the DOLLHOUSE ATTIC. HD encountered an enraged MM. NB then entered the FOYER of the DOLLHOUSE, and then entered the STUDIO from the other side, with her dimensions restored to normal. HD and NB clashed with MM using their weapons of burlesque seduction on the Madame.
"Meanwhile, FAD had grown tired of the struggle with DMK and decided to go mess up MK's fort directly. He rode it like a MECHANICAL BULL and promptly crushed it with his impressive WEIGHT attribute. This sparked a wild chase through the greater facility, sending them down the DUMBWAITER SHAFT, into the Speakeasy, crashing through the SPEAKEASY FLOOR, into the SPEAKEASY again while shattering an OBOE, and out the exit AND into MK's Legitimate Establishment.
"They exited this establishment to find themselves on Whore Island, with a view of the Clock Tower of Cartesian Alignment, whose hands crept toward the strike of the WITCHING HOUR. SPEAKEASY PATRONS loitered in a crowd while DMK tried to blend in by swapping HATS with a nearby gentleman. FAD eventually discovered him, in the process thefting a TOPHAT from a man, leaving him HATLESS.
"The two entered the SLEAZY BROTHEL, through the THEATER, and fought their way through MM'S STUDIO where HD, NB and MM were just about to clash. They fought their way through the DOLLHOUSE FOYER, and then into the PANTRY where they continued the struggle by the Lazy Susan of Endowment.
"Meanwhile, the following more tangential events transpired:
- On the deck of the CHICAGO OVERCOAT, PI inched toward a large ANCHOR, hampered by his FRANKENSTEIN SLOWNESS.
- At the behest of PS earlier, FOUR HEROES from the KINGDOMS climbed the 66,666 levels in the CATHEDRAL OF SYNDETIC ASCENSION, besting foes along the way.
- The Dapper Swain found his way through the PROJECTOR, and was crushed by MK's careless foot. He recovered though to give a valiant peeping effort through his PERSONAL GAWCULAR LENS. Eventually, all three GENTLEMEN would end up in MM'S STUDIO in a diminutive state.
"After suffering a series of attacks, MM retreated into the DOLLHOUSE FOYER to equip her CORSET. She discovered it had been stolen though. Her assailants pursued her, and she fought back using her SKELETON BRUSH and PALETTE.
"On the ship, an IMPETUS COMB was completed just as PI reached the ANCHOR. He was about to use a pretty lame COMB RAVE that possibly involved an anchor, when MK swapped SUCKLE RECEPTACLES in the PANTRY to steal the rave for DMK. DMK then used his ridiculously powerful attack, FILL 'EM WITH DAYLIGHT. PI dropped the ANCHOR overboard, hooked it on to the CATHEDRAL, causing the ship to swing around out of range of the attack just in time.
"DMK's attack ripped the UNIVERSE in half, exposing the Extra-Dimensional Cosmic Superstring Strata. Meanwhile the FOUR HEROES reached the top of the CATHEDRAL, which had also split in half, and they remained suspended in the middle. GPI seeing his creation in peril, was spurred to rare action to repair the damage. He invoked DEUS EX SEWING MACHINA, picked up the HAM NEEDLE with the FAN CORD threaded through it, and affixed it to his SEWING MACHINA. He sewed his creation back together, stretching the cord across the entire length of the UNIVERSE, and depositing the HAM NEEDLE back where it was.
"The FOUR HEROES, having floated to the other side of the CATHEDRAL, together turned a CRANK, which caused the cathedral's eye to zoom into the face of the CLOCK TOWER, which was at the strike of midnight, locally known as the WITCHING HOUR. This revealed the very large Chronoscope of Axial Conjugation extending from the eye, pointing at the distant clock.
"At the strike of the WITCHING HOUR, PS, who was manning the ship's WHEEL, noticed that the wheel in fact served as a viewport from the clock's vantage. He simply reached into the wheel, reached across the great void of space, and plucked the CHRONOSCOPE from the CATHEDRAL, and pulled it out of the wheel as a normal-sized telescope, deactivating the WHEEL in the process.
"He threw the CHRONOSCOPE to the highly immobile PI, who then affixed the scope to his Sniper Rifle, which caused the CLOCK TOWER to transform into the CLOCK TOWER SNIPER CANNON, a weapon operated from afar by the SNIPER RIFLE itself. He used the cannon to deal a great deal of damage to DMK, all of which was rapidly regenerated. But the salvo over time released enough PANG NECTAR to produce three very large IMPETUS COMBS, the three biggest ones, dwarfed only by the eighth and final comb yet to be prepared.
"The three combs were applied to the following characters and their corresponding COMB RAVES.
- HD: COMB RAVE -> ROLLING THUNDER - NB: COMB RAVE -> HIGHLY FLAMMABLE CASE OF THE VAPORS - PFPI+FFPI: COMB RAVE -> TEMPORAL REPLICOLLISION
"The first two were used in tandem in the final stand versus MM, completely defeating her. She wound up in the AFTERLIFE, where she and others would be cajoled by Death to play a variety of games. Other characters would arrive in the AFTERLIFE in this manner over the greater course of events, including WIFEHEARST and BATHEARST who died in the game of LIFE as previously described.
"Also winding up in the AFTERLIFE would be FAD, when during his scuffle in the PANTRY, MK swallowed him whole by reversing his BELLY OF THE WHALE attack on him through the method of Extortion. This caused MK to absorb FAD's essence and become FMK, a much larger, heavier version of himself.
"It had also become apparent that MK was the one who stole MM's corset, the Gravity Brassier, as he was wearing it at the time of this incident. To restore his former size, he simply pulled on the VOLUME DRAWSTRINGS to decrease his volume. This concentrated his weight to a smaller patch of the floor, which he caused to collapse and fall through. He landed underneath the DOLLHOUSE TABLE, beneath which the three diminutively sized GENTLEMEN had gathered.
"The FOUR HEROES would eventually gather there as well, as they had since ascended/descended the other side of the CATHEDRAL to the city streets, and jumped through the PROJECTOR. This group eventually included all of the SPEAKEASY PATRONS after the WITCHING HOUR expired, including a HATLESS MAN who managed to obtain the Ink of Squid Pro Quo for later ill-advised consumption.
"After slaying MM, HD and NB acquired the SKELETON KEY to unlock the door to the upper floors. They ascended, freeing several WHORES, and recovering Ben Stiller's sunglasses. They reached the ATTIC and flipped the SWITCH, supplying power to the outlet. The FAN however did not receive power right away, since the electric current now needed to travel the entire length of the UNIVERSE, a journey which would take LIGHT approximately 32 BILLION YEARS round trip, and would take current through a copper wire even longer.
"Below the DOLLHOUSE TABLE, the GENTLEMEN aggressed FMK foppishly, which caused him tighten his GRAVITY BRASSIER to increase his MASS while decreasing his VOLUME, augmenting his gravitational pull overall. This pull caused HD, NB and the liberated WHORES to fall through the floors and under the table, where they, the GENTLEMEN, and the FOUR HEROES would battle what had become DMMK.
"They fought DMMK to no avail, as his gravitational field absorbed each attack. The Highbrow playfully used the small kingpin with his LV. 4 HOOPTECH -> DMMK KATAMARI BALL, and began rolling up everyone in the room into a ball, stuck together by his gravitational field. Angered, DMMK pulled his drawstrings even further, increasing his mass and falling through the bottom of WHORE ISLAND altogether. The jumble of characters fell through the sky for some time while below the others dueled with DMK.
"ZAD used COMBAT OPERANDI -> CHECK YO'SELF JONAH to summon a whale, which he commanded as a mount. It was quickly shot by the SNIPER CANNON. ZAD and the whale fell onto a PRISON BUILDING below, where the whale died on the roof, while ZAD crashed through numerous floors and became trapped in a cell with a PRISONER. Eventually, ZAD, the whale and the prisoner wound up in the AFTERLIFE too.
"PFPI used the penultimate COMB RAVE, TEMPORAL REPLICOLLISION, in conjunction with his future self FFPI, who finally appeared from FPI's previous use of TEMPORAL REPLICSIMILE. The two accelerated through the TRAFFIC LIGHT PORTALS and collided together, intersecting with DMK. This attack depleted the remainder of DMK's health and caused him to descend. It also killed PFPI and FFPI in the process, and the PART-PICKLE COLLISION created the short-lived Higgs Bonehead in the process.
"Meanwhile everyone in the AFTERLIFE was developing the habit of coming and going through DEATH'S DOOR at will, much to the dismay of Death. It was at this point when AD shot himself in the game of LIFE, emerged from the game unharmed, and reunited with his family, which set DMK's EMOTIONS to be maxed out in time to be dealt massive damage by the REPLICOLLISION.
"The cluster of people falling with DMMK eventually landed in the game of LIFE on DMK's HAT. All characters except for DMMK exited Life's Door, opposite Death's Door, for a large reunion with the deceased characters on top of the HAT.
"PS turned the ship's WHEEL causing the large BARREL to fall and bounce of PI's head, down to the VULNERABULB below. It struck the bulb, depleting DMK's Spunk Myrrh. The bulb closed, DMK ascended and soon revealed his third and final face. PI's Gambit Schema finally wore off when the RIPENESS ATTRIBUTE was finally depleted, completely rotting the Schema Pumpkin, which may never have existed in the first place anyway.
"DMMK in the game of LIFE pulled his drawstrings hard enough to collapse into a BLACK HOLE, becoming BHMK. BHMK sucked in his two groveling thugs, the entire game of LIFE, all the characters on the HAT (sans Death, MM, the whale, the Bonehead, and all imaginary PIs, who obediently remained in the afterlife). LIFE'S DOOR and DEATH'S DOOR were sucked in too.
"DMK's new form quickly ensnared PS and PI in his BRIER OF CRUELTY. PS had recently obtained the INK OF SQUID PRO QUO dropped by the HATLESS MAN, but has yet to discover a weapon to wield against DMK.
"In space looms the biggest comb of all, nearing completion. Orbiting it is a MOON, about which itself orbits the CANDY MECHA LEGS, which support the precious CAPTAIN SNOOP BUST.
"Also, on GPI's instruction, PPI, FPI, PFPI, and FFPI just became all the subatomic particles that ever existed in the universe, and always comprised every character and every physical location all along.
"The Devil wonders why he's even bothering with this useless exercise in the self-evident." copy and pasted from
As the eighth comb is quickly being completed, Pickle Inspector pulls the TECTRIX OF THE ARBITOR from his hat and uses his low level TickleTech to attempt to free himself from DMK's BRIER. However, he AUTO-FUMBLES, and loses grip of it. Problem Sleuth is able to catch the Tectrix, and it becomes the mighty Tectrixcalibur. Cutting the brier with ease, Pickle Inspector falls to the wheel, and Problem Sleuth initiates the epic Sepulchritude, as the eighth comb has finally been completed. Now glowing a glistening green, Problem Sleuth diplomatically slashes DMK through a series of treaties and other writings using a summoned Smith Corona Blotspitter, summoned by the DEMIMONDE SEMI-GODESS, who also supplied a INK RIBBON to use as ammunition.
He then used Level 99 Sleuth Diplomacy: Pax Probliscum to deal major damage by firing an Unpleasant note at DMK, wiping out his second health meter. Naturally, DMK responded by using Ladder To Hell, which gained him about 50 billion health meters.
Meanwhile, the Weasel King was despondent over the worsening condition of Mount Saint Lardass. He decided to grant his strength to PS, enabling the most powerful BATTLE TECHNIQUE ever: Final Flip Out. This, combined with the final explosion of Sepulchritude as the Ink of Squid Pro Quo was drained, obliterated all of DMK's health meters anyway so that move was kind of a moot point.
Unfortunately, a sun was placed under BHMK's gifted ass, and Mt. Lardass was sent into a state of near-unavoidable eruption.
As everything was getting sucked into the Black Hole, the entire Universe was suffering from relative time-dilation effects (that are entirely feasible). As a result of the somewhat augmented physics, the time "sped up" for those nearest to the Black Hole, making the more-than-36 billion light-year voyage made by the current through the fan cord seem to take a much shorter time for those closer to the Black Hole's event horizon. Just don't think about it too much. Pickle Inspector, auto-fumbling as he was loading back up the Sextant, lost his opportunity to shoot the Fetal Seedpod that DMK had spawned, which if detached, would grow into a NEW DMK. However, DMK was so weak from the attack of Sepulchritude that he was sucked into the black hole too, and Pickle Inspector lost his opportunity to finish off DMK. He then decided to free Captain Snoop, who was riding the legs of the Candy Mecha from orbiting the moon, and shot the moon to release the bust. The mecha, carrying the bust, traveled over to Whore Island, next to the fan, which had just turned on.
Pickle Inspector watched in horror as the precious bust was pushed off the mecha by the fan and fell toward the Sudocube, which was floating around for some reason. Pickle Inspector was prepared for something this disastrous. Using his minutes to hours worth of experience as a Skipper, and combined with his knowledge of the creation of the Sudocube, spun the universe to pilot the bust through the other end.
The Sudocube disappeared and landed into Death's hands, claiming that he was a winner.
The bust and Problem Sleuth, who was then severely weakened by the aftermath of Sepulchritude, followed after the moon into the Black Hole, where the other Demimonde Semi-Goddess inside sent her army of angels to aggress DMK. He fought them off with his Defensive Glower, zapping dozens at once. Preoccupied, he did not notice the stray bust coming in toward the seed-pod, which promptly crashed into it and cracked open, spilling out volatile and destructive candy. The candy itself almost eliminated all of the Pep Gold for DMK.
Problem Sleuth was floating toward the center of the black hole himself, and used the last of his strength to give his precious Candy Corn he had been carrying the entire time throughout the adventure a goodbye kiss, and dropped them onto the Seedpod. The candy corn depleted the last of DMK's Pep Gold, dealing the final blow.
DMK was slain, and BHMK was now sucking in the two celestial bodies, the sun and the moon, toward him. They pushed him through the Gravity Brassier and Mobster Kingpin came out of Mt. Lardass, erupting it. The Black Hole, no longer having any mass to sustain it, exploded, sending characters to random places all over the world.
Pickle Inspector, having neglected to pilot his own ship, crashed the Chicago Overcoat into the Clock Tower of Cartesian Alignment, and the bust of the ship smashed into his face and plummeted him to the ground. DMK's hat landed on the Ham Needle, piercing it, and Team Sleuth landed on the hat too, posing as shit just got...
Well, no. Problem Sleuth was barely able to land, much less make a pose. And Mobster Kingpin, having been jettisoned from Mount Saint Lardass, flew all the way from the other side of the universe to be impaled on the spike of the Ham Needle, too. He dropped the precious Megaton Key.
A dance occurred immediately afterward, but Problem Sleuth seemed unable to participate in the activities. He appeared to have his consciousness shifted toward an alternate area, a void where there is nothing anywhere but darkness. A light appeared, and it was the dancer from the music box, but it disappeared too.
A kiss then appeared on his cheek. Unsure of the reality of the interaction, he felt around to ensure he was all there.
Of course he was! Hysterical Dame was not too happy about his indiscriminate groping, but Ace Dick quickly and easily grabbed the Megaton Key and they hopped off in the whoremobile to leave to the Real City Streets, where they belong, leaving the player a winner.
The city, having been calmed, darkened into the evening. The Higgs Bonehead and the Whale traveled to the bottom of the sea to find a few busts that have been inadvertently sunk by the two ladies through their inexplicable whore adventure. Further down, the Hatless Man had found his way to the Devil, who gave him a rapacious poking with his Fork. Wifehearst is remarried (to Completely Sane Man) while Bathearst fights crime using the legs of the Candy Mecha. The Gentlemen have a close encounter in their club. The Four Heroes participate in a ritual to declare peace while the Four Kingdoms watch on. Madame Murel is shown to have wedded the Weasel King. The ladies and whores watch a film starring Captain Snoop. The Demimonde Goddess sits on her throne which was Problem Sleuth's Office, with a half reddish, half purple baby (Perhaps implying that Fiesta Ace Dick is the father, because both halves of the baby are the Demimonde Goddess's color with tints of red, also he is seen looking on and smiling later) as her Courtesan Angels offer her Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh, in a parody of the birth of Jesus (Also possibly implying that the baby would go on to cause the same type of chaos as DMK, who had the same three powerful gifts) while Fiesta Ace Dick and Honeycomb Professor enjoy paradise. Zombie Ace Dick is then shown to have joined the Bust moving Industry. Godhead Pickle Inspector fondly regards his creation while donning Ben Stiller's sunglasses. Problem Sleuth, Ace Dick and Pickle Inspector, free from their office building, rush to their next case, now as a team. Death pushes his games cabinet to Mobster Kingpin, stuck in the afterlife due to the door being jammed shut.
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