Lord English

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For the juvenile version of this character, see Caliborn.

File:EnglishObig32x32.gifLord EnglishFile:EnglishObig32x32.gif
“HOW DO YOU EXPECT TO OUTRUN ME”
AKA	lord muscleguy, lord kingfish
Title	Lord of Time (plus other components)
Typing style	LARGE FONT, ALL CAPS WITH PERFECT GRAMMAR. USES FELT COLOR TEXT, BUT MAY ALSO USE SHIFTING COLORED TEXT.
Relations	Caliborn - Past Self/Component Calliope - Sister Doc Scratch - Main Officer, Alternian Host Body The Felt - Vassals The Handmaid - Time Witch The Condesce - Eternal Servant Kurloz Makara - Religious Disciple Gamzee Makara - Religious Disciple/Component Arquiusprite - Component Damara Megido - Supporter Lil Cal - Host body
Live(s) in	Felt Manor, Alternia
Music	English ♫ Break Shot ♫ Cairo Overcoat ♫ Negastrife ♫ Eternity Served Cold ♫

Lord English is Caliborn's future self, or, more accurately, what Caliborn eventually becomes. He is an indestructible demon summoned at the end of the universe, although his time travel abilities allow him to appear prior to his actual summoning. He apparently cannot be destroyed by ordinary means, but only through the exploitation of a number of time-based glitches and loopholes. He is the leader of the Felt on Alternia, and his appearance resembles that of a cherub. Vriska Serket describes English as “the 8ig 8ad”, saying “English was the guy who stacked the whole deck against us from the start, rigging shit to go haywire, wiping out our race, 8lowing up universes, exterimin8ting ghosts, slaughtering dark gods, and shattering reality itself.” English was the "demon" summoned by the unhackable.~ath file.

Attributes

Physically, English seems to be a hulking, veined, dark green wingless cherub with clawed appendages, a pool cue peg leg, and a head that bears more than a passing resemblance to that of Lil Cal, except skeletal and fanged, with billiard balls for eyes. English resembles a muscled appearance because of him being fused together with Arquiusprite [1] along with Lil Cal. As he "hatches" from Doc Scratch during the second intermission, his leg stump bleeds candy red blood before his peg leg appears.

English owns a Cairo Overcoat (an obvious mirror to Mobster Kingpin's Chicago Overcoat) that represents the spacetime continuum and gets damaged when time-related things get out of hand, and a Backup Coat, that may or may not possess the same qualities. The Cairo Overcoat can turn into an Egyptian sarcophagus, which English can entomb himself in in order to travel throughout time once inside a universe. It is possible that the Cairo Overcoat is a vague representation of an actual pool table, or perhaps only the felt fabric on which a game of pool is played(similar to how English himself represents a pool cue). Since Sburb (the overlying game in Homestuck) is played on the spacetime continuum, these two analogies mesh together almost perfectly. More recently, English has been shown to have in his possession a golden scepter, atop which is an orb, glowing with multiple colors, that possibly represents the Green Sun. This scepter seemingly demonstrates a more controlled form of Weapon/Object Duality, as it has been shown to morph into a golden assault rifle. Andrew Hussie met his end by this transforming scepter.

English has never known any form of defeat. In addition to his indestructibility, multiple incarnations of him exist simultaneously in multiple universes, making it virtually impossible to permanently end his existence. Despite these overwhelming factors, Aranea believes that Jake is destined to best English in combat, which would mark the demon's first defeat and send hope to others that one day he may be destroyed forever. A statement made by Dave indicates that he believes he's meant to kill Lord English at one point, this is also believed by the Condesce who is attempting to encourage Dave to fulfill his role. Dave's sword, Caledfwlch, has also been stated to be capable of harming English due to one of its components being the Magic Cue Ball, as the sword was originally found as part of Dave's quest it would seem to reenforce the idea that Dave is the one destined to defeat English. It is mentioned that there is a weapon capable of destroying Lord English, possibly 'in one shot'. This weapon may be Doc Scratch's white magnum, as Andrew Hussie claimed that it was English's only vulnerability, however due to the gun's cue ball nature the "only vulnerability" could be interpreted as cue ball weapons as opposed to being solely the gun. Notably, Jake possesses the appropriate Strife Specibus to wield this gun. However, the innocuous double of the gun, Calliope's wand, seems to be in English's possession in use by him for dream bubble destruction.

It is hinted that although English is an adult cherub physically (aside from his lack of wings), he may still be a child mentally. Andrew confirms this, saying that he used the dream self game mechanic to dominate his sister in an unnatural way, meaning he was missing critical maturation from living with her. This unnatural predomination is actually why he lacks wings, as they typically sprout during the predomination process and the associated maturation.

Biography

(Note: Since it's difficult to know the chronological sequence of English's actions throughout the story, the following events are written in the order they appear in the comic. For English's history as a child, see Caliborn)

The Midnight Crew Intermission introduced English as the leader of the Felt. Spades Slick attempted to pry open English's vault with Crowbar's crowbar, which transported him to a timeline where everyone except him, Snowman, and presumably English were dead.

During Rose and Dave's chat in which she reveals her plan to use her dream self to destroy the Green Sun, Rose mentions that she had help thinking up the plan from Scratch, who says he successfully completed everything that English required from him. Scratch also mentions that his death is required for English's arrival, and that throughout the countless universes in which instances of him have been created, he has never failed in bringing him back, and never will.

Scratch also mentions that English is a very evil man and that his name is merely a title, and not the demon's actual name. According to the narrator, to know his true name is to "understand terror no human ever has." However, there is one scene starting here in which the audience does get to see English, and he appears to be Andrew Hussie himself. However, Andrew then confirms that he is not actually English; he is only wearing his coat (which is much too big for him).

Then, a small portion of him (his eyes) was revealed in these three updates at the top banner. At the time we could tell that English has two eyes, large clawed and green hands, and speaks in a bold green text almost similar to the exiles. The pool balls that appear together on each frame are paired like Quarters' coins; 1 and 11, 2 and 12, 3 and 13, 4 and 14, 5 and 15, 6 and 9, 7 and 10 and finally, two eight balls.

When the Handmaid tries to escape from Scratch's manor, Lord English intercepts her and takes her into his service. Later, the Handmaid enlists the Condesce to continue English's service in another universe; namely the post-scratch human session.

In Intermission 2, the ~ATH program was shown to execute after Snowman had died, destroying the trolls' universe. Scratch's body is used to create or channel English, for as we all know, Scratch is an excellent "host". At this point, English was revealed in full. Upon his "release," he summoned his Cairo Overcoat, which then transformed into an Egyptian sarcophagus, which closed over him and traveled back in time. He then made two loud honking sounds, an event referred to as the Vast Honk.

Interestingly, during English's summoning the parts of Scratch's genetic code that were written in the troll's Flarp rulebooks occur. The grandfather clock "“t1CK”"s and "“t0ck”"s. After which the "“8r8k” “H34DS”" occurs as Scratch's head breaks. Then English proceeds to "“honk HONK”".

As of this panel, English has somehow entered Andrew Hussie's home (possibly through the Fourth Wall that Hussie used to enter Scratch's home) and seemingly destroyed the Hussiebot. He is seen in possession of a Golden Cuestaff. The head of the cuestaff flashes multiple colors (blue, cerulean, yellow, orange, red, and gray) and is sometimes replaced with an image of the Green Sun. After giving poor Ms. Paint a CANEing with it, he proceeds to corner Hussie, turn the cuestaff into an AK-pattern rifle with a Green Sun sight, and messily gun our beloved author down.

Immediately after killing Hussie, English enters his sarcophagus and flies through the Furthest Ring. He lands inside a dream bubble containing the doomed timeline versions of the pre-scratch kids and post-scratch trolls. Using the White Wand, he conjures a beam of energy that bursts from his mouth, killing the doomed-timeline characters and destroying the bubble in an explosion visually reminiscent of shattering glass. It is possible that this has caused harm to the Horrorterrors as one of them was shown to have a cut limb, however this could also have been caused by Jack Noir as he was nearby the wounded Horrorterror. This was witnessed by Dave possibly as a callback where he first listened to the Horrorterrors saying to Rose that they are being killed.

Back in Hussie's home, Spades Slick is shown to be seeing a "big overpowered gold machine gun" and notices that he has "very different styles when it comes to running an organized crime outfit."

Eventually, it was revealed by Caliborn, through the medium of incredibly shitty breathtakingly gorgeous claymation, that English is and always has been a composite of Caliborn, Arquiusprite, and one half of Gamzee. As of yet, the full implications of this are yet to be seen. It is also revealed that Caliborn adopted the name "English" after his first defeat at the hands of Jake , who overpowered him with his Hope aura.

Trivia

• English is named after the pool term 'english', meaning spin on the cue ball (which refers to his relationship with Doc Scratch, who represents the cue ball). Calliope indirectly references this when she stated that she likes the planet Uranus because of its unusual rotation compared to other planets, but can't remember the technical term for said rotation.
• His name may also have drawn inspiration from the phrase "The devil is an Englishman", similar to how "Old Scratch" is a folk name for the devil.
• Andrew confirmed that he is also "retroactively" named after Ultima's Lord British, an invincible character who could only be killed through manipulation of various game mechanics in the early installments of the series (although later installments regularly allowed players to slay him through intentional Easter eggs). If this reference is expanded upon, it is absolutely possible that he could lose his invincibility in the post-scratch kids' session. When Lord British died for the first time in Ultima Online, it was because a developer forgot to turn on his "invincibility flag" when carrying his character between sessions.
• English may represent the titan Cronus from greek mythology, a universal ruler and destroyer, that overthrew Ouranos.
  • In an alternate telling of this tale, he overthrew the wicked serpentine Titan Ophion. Ophion is important also because the cherubs were born from a spiraling egg, similar to the Orphic egg which consists of an egg with a snake wrapped around it. Additionally, their zodiac sign is Ophiuchus, similar to the name Ophion. Ophiuchus has also been depicted popularly as trampling upon Scorpio, (Vriska's and Aranea's Zodiac sign,) with his feet, causing her to threaten to sting him.
• English may further extend the billiards parallel as the cue stick, using Scratch, the first guardian of Alternia, in order to affect other individuals on his field of play, and to ensure his summoning. Indeed, his scepter and pegleg resemble one. This is further alluded to when Caliborn serves as a metaphorical pool cue, sinking his billiards-themed planets into the black hole pocket of Skaia.
• Hussie has confirmed the Cairo Overcoat's dual nature as being a play on mobster slang—just as a Chicago Overcoat referred to a coffin in Problem Sleuth, so would a Cairo Overcoat refer to a sarcophagus, as Cairo is a notable city near the pyramids and subsequently sarcophagi. Using a sarcophagus for time travel may also be a reference to Pharoid's time chamber.
• Hussie has also confirmed that English has the powers of a first guardian.
• It has been confirmed that English inspired the mirthful messiahs of Gamzee's religion, along with Scratch. He also appears to have inspired the Alternian concept of Death, along with the Handmaid. This page on Hussie's Tumblr contains some insightful information on English.
• English harbors a connection to Jake English. Jake's shirt has the likeness of English on it, he wears computers that resemble various aspects of English's appearance, and a piece of Homestuck fan art in the form of a fake movie poster featuring English made it into Jake's room. These are all due to his grandmother's company, designing its products to be reminiscent of English, specifically to remind the Condesce of her greatest fear. Grandma also took English as her last name to serve the same purpose, which was eventually inherited by Jake. Jake later defeats Caliborn, inspiring the latter to rename himself English, thus completing the loop.
  • Furthering this connection, Jake's introduction page says he would "give [his] RIGHT LEG" to go real-life adventuring; English himself has no right leg.
• English's head resembles a puppet we know. This may be because Doc Scratch, his host, is ectobiologically created from said puppet and a Magic Cue Ball and also because Cal acts as a vessel for English's soul. As Cal seems to have paradoxical origins it is unclear how the likeness came about.
• In the Intermission, English's name appears as Lord English, without the flashing pool ball sequence replacing the "o" in Lord. It doesn't appear until Doc Scratch's introduction in Act 5 Act 1.
• With the Squiddles representing the Horrorterrors, English may represent Skipper Plumbthroat, as he was essentially responsible for the deaths of some Horrorterrors in Caliborn: Enter. Hussie also made note of this connection in one of his earlier Tumblr posts.
  • This was further alluded to by Vriska when she describes him as an "“ins8tia8le fisherman”".
• English is a Lord of Time, which is reminiscent of Doctor Who, in which the main character one of a spacetime-travelling alien race called Time Lords (and who is later responsible for the destruction of his species).
  • In addition, the flashing edges of his Cairo Overcoat bear a resemblance to the infamous large scarf worn by the Fourth Doctor, who, interestingly enough, is the fourth of thirteen potential iterations of the character.
• Oftentimes, one frame of the Lord English .gif images will show his overcoat displaying the colors of a Hero of Time.
• The numbers of English's eyes correspond to the paired numbers of Quarters' coins. 8 is always paired with 8, 7 is always paired with 10, 6 is always paired with 9, and 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 are paired with 11, 12, 13, 14 and 15 respectively.
• Lord English is depicted on the "XIII:Death" card in the Homestuck tarot card deck.
• The only two black letters in English's flashing text were “L” and “E”, e.g. the initials of his title.

Gallery

English's Cairo Overcoat

Code.gif

unhackable.~ath, the code that summons English

The server that contains the code that summons English

The Cairo Overcoat.

The banner that first showed English's flashing, pool ball eyes.

English releases a Vast Honk.

03628.gif

Rose learns about {{English}}.

A clear view of English's head.

{{English|short}} looming over Ms. Paint.

English striking Ms. Paint. Note that his scepter resembles a pool cue.

English gets more terrifying with every new view of his face.

The less innocuous double of the already not-very-innocuous staff.

Coming soon to an act near you by plegathon-d4f373a.png

The poster in Jake English's room.

{{English}} floats past the remaining unopened sub-acts of Act 6.