Insane Corkscrew Haymakers
A silly girl naps by her flowers. It is quite likely that she tired herself out with a variety of silly antics, as silly girls are often known to do. She may have a silly name too. Or maybe not. It is hard to say for sure without asking her.
Start	Page 759
End	Page 1153
Length	395 pages
Previous	Act 2: Raise of the Conductor's Baton
Next	Intermission: Don't Bleed on the Suits.

The third act of Homestuck is titled Insane Corkscrew Haymakers. It mainly follows Jade Harley, Dave's battle against his Bro to obtain his Sburb discs and save Rose, and the Exiles' confrontation at the Frog Temple.

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• We see a letter that Nanna wrote to John in the old copy of Colonel Sassacre's.
• GG is introduced as Jade Harley. She enters the story right around when John is getting ready to go get his mail.
• Jade goes to her bedroom.
• As Jade plays her Eclectic Bass in her bedroom, a present from John arrives outside her house via airmail.
• Jade gets some supplies and prepares to feed Bec right around when John has just retrieved the Sburb beta.
• Meanwhile, in the present, Dave begins Round 1 of Strife with his Bro to retrieve the Sburb server beta.
• John begins battle with the Crude Ogres.
• In the future, the Peregrine Mendicant is confronted by a pesky Sentry Worm eating one of her mailboxes.
• Rose explores the SkaiaNet Laboratory and prepares to reconnect her laptop, but an ominous timer is ticking.
• Jade descends to the bottom floor and is pestered by a troll named carcinoGeneticist.
• The Mendicant, having slain the Sentry Worm, enters the Helipod Base. The timer there runs out, and the capsule flies away like a helicopter.
• In Round 2 of Dave and Bro's Strife, Bro forgoes Lil Cal for direct combat and knocks Dave down a flight of Stairs.
• Rose discovers Skaianet's main session terminal, where all the Sburb sessions and meteor impacts are kept track of. It appears a meteor will collide with the laboratory, and another one will hit Rose's house afterwards. Dave's and Jade's houses will also be hit, with Jade's meteor being the largest of all.
• Rose turns on her laptop. She and the Nannasprite help John defeat the Crude Ogres.
• John's Grist Cache is expanded vastly. He rockets up the Echeladder to Boy-Skylark, gaining 11,575 Boondollars. Nannasprite gives him some cryptic words of encouragement.
• In the Dark Kingdom, John's Dad fights off Shale Imps. A mysterious figure watches this and John's victory through two monitors.
• The Peregrine Mendicant is controlled briefly. She sees Jade and tries to contact her, but something malfunctions and an explosion blows a hole in the base.
• Rose finds what looks like a little girl's room in the lab and meets a mutant kitten, which she later names Vodka Mutini, or Mutie for short.
• John enters his Dad's room for the first time.
• Jade has an intense confrontation with her stuffed Grandpa and leaves the house.
• The Mendicant survives the blast. One of the worms retrieves a mailbox for her.
• Rose finds an Appearifier in the lab and sees herself and Jaspers many years ago. It seems Jaspers was appearified away and later turned up dead.
• Rose reappearifies Jaspers and escapes from the lab before the timer hits 0.
• Jade begins the search for Bec and goes to retrieve John's present for her.
• John, in Dad's room, realizes his father had an ordinary job unrelated to his collection of harlequins.
• Dad, who was apparently captured again, breaks out of his jail cell. The dark figure watching him is revealed to be Archagent Jack Noir.
• John opens his birthday presents and gets a Modus Control Deck with 12 captchalogue cards and a free Array Modus. He combines his modi to make an array of queuestacks.
• He dons a suit his Dad got him for his birthday, then realizes that Fruit Gushers are a Betty Crocker product.
• Jade and Bec have a playfight. Jade feeds Bec and retrieves John's present.
• Jade, tuckered out, falls asleep. Bec carries her back to her room and into bed for the time being.
• Rose and the mutant kitten are transportalized to Rose's Mom's room. The Meteor impacts the lab, creating a huge inferno.
• Jade begins to dream, which activates her Dreambot.
• It is revealed that John's chumhandle was once ghostyTrickster, which he changed to avoid Trolls.
• Jade's birthday is December 1, Dave's is December 3, and Rose's is December 4. John sent presents to them for their thirteenth birthdays - the Sunglasses to Dave and knitting supplies to Rose. His present to Jade is unknown.
• John's movie posters are revealed to have been defaced at least 6 months ago, though this fact was repressed by his subconscious. However, the graffiti resurfaces when Rose points it out to him.
• The Wayward Vagabond lands where Jade's house used to be and is stuck on top of the Underground Base, which is no longer underground. He tries to appearify another rope but instead ends up with John's present to Jade, along with a note from Jade to "Mr. Mayor", indicating that Jade knew this would occur.
• The Vagabond correctly appearifies the rope and descends to the bottom of the base as the Peregrine Mendicant's Helipod Base approaches the Frog Temple. The Aimless Renegade spies on them.
• Rose continues to build up to the first gate, but the chimneys she uses as support beams are proving too unstable. Meanwhile, more Imps and Ogres climb up the cliff face.
• Jade dreams up some extra arms to play the Advanced Eclectic Bass. We see that her dream world is Prospit, a planet and moon system orbiting Skaia.
• Jade meets a citizen of Prospit who looks very much like the Peregrine Mendicant.
• While under heavy gunfire, the Vagabond gives the Mendicant John's present, which is supposedly crucial to the freedom of their people. The Peregrine Mendicant is revealed to be female.
• John Alchemizes a shitload of items. Some of his combinations include: the Hammerhead Pogo Ride, the Wise Guy Slime Suit, the Serious Business Goggles, the Telescopic Sassacrusher, Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm Gushers, the Remote Ghost Gauntlets, the Barber's Best Friend, the Betty Crocker Barbasol Bomb, the Cosbytop, Problem Sleuth's hat (+ candy corn), and the Wrinklefucker. Interestingly, when John tries to combine the hammer and his Problem Sleuth game, the Alchemy Excursus indicates it is a very expensive item to make, leaving it a mystery for now. ((Warhammer of Zillyhoo?))
• Dave and Bro duel for the last time over Bro's beta copies on a crow-filled rooftop. Lil' Cal and Dave's record logo are slashed into pieces, and Dave's ninja sword is broken, changing his Strife Specibus to ½bladekind, but Bro gives Dave his copies anyway.
• The Skaian eclipse occurs, and cloud mirages showing visions of the past, present, and future appear. Jade's dream house appears to be transported to a vision of the past, where a meteor strikes near the volcano that will one day be next to Jade's house, bringing Bec with it. Jade attempts to investigate a glowing object, but Bec blocks her. In modern times this location corresponds to the Frog Temple. John very nearly wakes up in the dream world, and Jade approaches him, but their dreams both end before they meet.
• Jade fires her harpoon gun at a part of the Frog Temple and ziplines there.
• Rose takes a decidedly different approach to building which takes the house almost up to the first gate.
• Dave captchalogues Bro's betas, changing his hash to Scrabble values, and goes to install the server disc.
• In the past, Rose opens John's birthday present, the knitting bag. Also during this time, Rose is trolled unsuccessfully by grimAuxiliatrix, who claims she and the other trolls are from the future. Rose apparently befriends her instead.
• We see a glimpse of the time when Dave, first wearing spiky shades like his brother, receives his present of sunglasses from John. adiosToreador attempts to troll him but gives up and blocks him when Dave ironically hits on him.
• The Aimless Renegade becomes a playable character. He appears to be hostile to the other two Exiles.
• The Mendicant sends John's present to Jade back in time using the Sendificator. It is revealed to be a shirt similar to John's, along with some Pumpkin seeds. She receives it but is confused because she has not yet met John.
• Jack Noir and Dad have a scuffle, but Jack has a change of heart and releases Dad when he destroys Jack's hat.
• Using the Electric Guitar to summon giant lily pads, Jade reaches the Frog Temple.
• Dave installs the beta, with himself as the server and Rose as the client.
• Rose's game of Sburb begins.
  • A meteor smashes into Mom's room and sets it ablaze.
  • Dave moves Rose's bed into the fire to replace it with the Totem Lathe, much to Rose's chagrin. He puts the Cruxtruder in the observatory, also to her chagrin. Finally, he places the Alchemiter on the rooftop, though he builds a door and stairs there for Rose.
  • Dave uses the Zazzerpan statue to open the Cruxtruder and drops it outside the house, where the hand crumbles off and falls some distance away.
  • Rose gets the pre-punched card for a Cruxite Bottle and shapes her cruxite dowel into a totem. Dave places it on the Alchemiter.
  • Rose prototypes her Kernelsprite with Jaspers.
  • A shelf of wine bottles appears, with the Cruxite Bottle falling out. A large red tornado appears and whirls the Zazzerpan statue around.
  • Dave prototypes the Kernelsprite a second time with the Eldritch Princess doll.
  • Zazzerpan's hand knocks into the bottle, sending it flying into the river under Rose's house. Dave is harassed by crows, preventing him from saving the Cruxite Bottle. Rose dives down the waterfall and catches it. She is caught in midair by her sprite's tentacle.
  • Rose breaks open the bottle, warping her house away just before the meteor touches down.
• Jade finds the platform AR saw, which takes her down, much like an elevator, to a contraption with a countdown on it and a flower bud resting on top. This Sburb flower blooms, revealing a white glowing object for Jade - Dave's server and client copies of Sburb.
• Nannasprite writes her note to John (seen at the beginning of Act 3) and drops the copy of Colonel Sassacre's into the depths below.
• The Skyship Base is revealed to be the cork from a much larger 'bottle'.
• John climbs his house while fighting Imps and Ogres, launching the Cosbytop into the abyss in the process. He springs into his first gate.
• We zoom out to see that John's house was on a high peak above his planet.
• The curtain closes on Act 3.