YOU HATE TIME TRAVEL
All caps, no punctuation, uses "YER" instead of "your" and "you're", as well as "FER" instead of "for".
Deck of Cards
Red Cheeks, wax lips
The Felt, time travel
Hearts Boxcars is a member of the nefarious Midnight Crew.
Hearts Boxcars is a tall, brawny-looking member of the Midnight Crew. He is the tallest member, in fact, and like the other members, cast in a permanent type of shadow. As his name implies, he is the Hearts part of the crew's card based theme. He is depicted as the Crew's safecracker, often employing the tried-and-true method of simply ripping the safe's door off its hinges with his bare hands, which he attempts to do when invading the vault owned by The Felt. In Homestuck, he is the Hegemonic Brute from the trolls' Sburb session. Initially, there were some him.
He is also Tavros' exile, and gets pretty pissed about . For some reason, he really wants Tavros to kiss Vriska - Maybe it's the hearts in his name, but it might just be the frustration of having a gutless troll to command around.
Boxcars is a brusque, physical fellow. His method of busting safes consists of ripping them from their hinges. When speaking, his language is peppered with threats of bodily harm. He may have a romantic side to him, as he blows a fuse after enduring a bit too much of Tavros' dawdling; both combat-wise and relationship-wise, commanding him to "GO KISS THE GIRL RIGHT NOW".
The other thing that really sets off Boxcars is, especially when exploited by Eggs and Biscuits.
Like all the other crew members, Hearts carries 5 weapon slots and one inventory slot, which as expected, holds a deck of cards. All of the cards suffer from that pretty annoying glitch from Problem Sleuth.
His main weapon of choice, oddly enough, is a TV antenna. He also carries a variety of antique polearms, including a Battleaxe and a Mace.
The deck of cards in his inventory slot often turn into his Wrathtub, which will always have the same amount of basin capacity no matter how much wrath it actually has. In it, there are huge amounts of large cleaving and spear type weapons, as well as a Backup Hat and an issue of Red Cheeks magazine. He can also talk into two of the cards (the 10 and the 4, of course), to make a radio device to communicate to other members. As a nod to Problem Sleuth, Hearts carries two Wax Lips in his Backup Hat.
In an alternate timeline, Sawbuck and a deceased Stitch were stored in the Wrathtub. It is unknown if he is alive or dead as he is last seen in a horse calendar during the midnight crew intermission.
Hearts Boxcars is strong as fuck and he. He can also .
While performing Hive Ragtime: Fill 'Em with Midnight, Hearts Boxcars plucks the shit out of a double bass.
Hearts Boxcars' typing quirk implies that he speaks with a thick accent of some kind. This may be a Scottish accent, considering his brute strength is a stereotype among Scots.
|Problem Sleuth Characters|
|Team Sleuth|| Problem Sleuth - Ace Dick - Pickle Inspector|
Hysterical Dame - Nervous Broad
|Four Kingdoms|| Elves - Hogs - Weasels - Clowns|
|Villains||Mobster Kingpin - Madame Murel - Demonhead Mobster Kingpin|
|Deities||Death - Godhead Pickle Inspector - Demimonde Goddess - The Devil|
|Allies||The Whale - Candy Mecha - Hearst - Hired Muscle - Honeybee Professor|
|Minions||Beasts - Whores - Thugs - Worker Bees - Courtesan Angels|
|Non-Canon|| Midnight Crew (Spades Slick - Diamonds Droog - Hearts Boxcars - Clubs Deuce)|
Laborer Wasps - Professor Wasp - Zombie Astronaut - Little White Cat - Fuzzy Man Bear and Sarah