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Hearsts

Some bystanders admire your manly initiative.

There is a recurring theme in which Ace Dick interacts with characters whose names are suffixed with -hearst. As part of an ongoing gag, he often establishes authority by punching *hearst in the snout.

PorkHearstEdit

Main article: Hog

The Ruler of all hogs. He just looks like a normal hog.

Q*HearstEdit

Q*Hearst & AD

Ace Dick punching a Q*Hearst

Q*Hearst is simply a Q*Bert that razzes Ace Dick with a flagellum during a game of wizard's sudoku. Later, Ace Dick punches him in the snout to establish superiority, as part of an ongoing gag. The act causes two other Q*Berts to submit to him.

In the end, Ace Dick beats him to death with a pawn, which is apparently another goal of aforementioned Wizard's Sudoku.

WifehearstEdit

Wifehearst2

Wifehearst is from Ace Dick's game of Life. She is originally a random piece that Ace Dick hits in his car when fleeing Death. Ace Dick begs Death to spare her and offers several other games such as Clue, Connect Four, Uno, and Ace Dick's favorite, Hungry Hungry Hippos for Wifehearst's soul. Ace Dick and Wifehearst have a son, Sonhearst, whom Ace Dick nudges in the snout to establish paternity. Some Thugs later shoot at Ace Dick to limit his control over the town. Ace Dick Auto-Parries a bullet in the gut to save Sonhearst, but Wifehearst is slaughtered by the Thugs' bullets.

Luckily, she later escapes from Death's office with a group of other characters. While she does not do much in the action department, she is enough inspiration for Ace Dick to never give up. Despite this she marries Completely Sane Man in the Epilogue. Although it seems peculiar that Wifehearst would need to remarry when she is already married, but since Ace Dick had left to the Real City Streets and is most likely never coming back, Wifehearst most likely needed to be married to SOMEBODY that is actually going to be around. The wedding ceremony was held by the Weasel Emissary. Bathearst was the going to be the ring bearer, but was unable to attend as he was off fighting thugs in the Imaginary City Streets with the use of the Candy Mecha's Legs.

SonhearstEdit

AD Wifeherst and Sonherst

The Birth of Sonhearst

Sonhearst is a young character in Problem Sleuth. He was first introduced within the Game of Life played atop DMK's hat, and is one of several Hearsts Ace Dick encounters during the course of the adventure. Sonhearst was bornMspa icon to Ace Dick and Wifehearst, and was one of the first steps towards AD's perfect LifeMspa icon. However, AD's monumental enterprise soon began attracting unwanted attentionMspa icon, and the family was attacked by a pair of Thugs desiring to end AD's reign. Sonhearst was saved when AD parried a bullet aimed at Sonhearst directly into the gut, however poor Wifehearst was not so lucky, and died in AD's armsMspa icon.

BathearstEdit

Bathearst

Stricken with grief at the loss of Wifehearst and their family empire, AD and Sonhearst sought their ultimate revengeMspa icon. Sonhearst became Bathearst, now dressed with a mask and cape, while AD became Punisher Ace Dick, however his costume and weapons were incredibly lousy due to his abysmal Imagination. Unfortunately the Game of Life had different plans for the two wayward heroes, as fate sent them west. The two traveled together across the open frontier, and AD found he was unableMspa icon to provide for his sweet Bathearst. Fate was proving to be most unkind for the two heroes, all with epic decisions ahead.

Death and AfterlifeEdit

Coming across a swift running river, AD chose the most hard-boiled manner of crossing. While boldly fording the rushing river, Bathearst lost his footing from the top of the COVERED WAGON, and he tumbled overboard. Before AD could react, he was swept away with the current and perished.

The loss of Bathearst was all too much for his father AD, as cruel fate lead to further his misery and despair. With his life a mere shell of his previous past, and the loss of his dear loved ones bearing down on him, AD committed suicide with the assistance of a renown stump.

After his death, Bathearst appeared in the afterlife reuniting himself with his lost mother Wifehearst. He was briefly reunited with AD when Death accidentally left the door to the afterlife open. In a tearful reunion with Bathearst, AD protected his son from the effects of a Temporal Replicollision attack. Along with all other parties inhabiting DMK's hat, Bathearst was sucked into a black hole with the emergence of Black Hole Mobster Kingpin and the final face of DMK. With the destruction of the black hole and eruption of Mount Saint Lardass, Bathearst was ejected next to his mother across the imaginary universe.

EPILOGUE: Bathearst was missing from his mother's wedding to the Completely Sane Man. Bathearst finally exacted his vengeance on the mobster underworld utilizing the Candy Mecha legs equipped with Batlasers.

GodhearstEdit

Godhearst

Godhearst is an extremely minor character in Problem Sleuth who appears in the epilogue. It is the child of the living Demimonde Semigoddess and Fiesta Ace Dick, and as such is red and purple, a mixture of its parents' skin colors. While not much is known about this powerful child, including its actual name and gender, the Whores found it worthy enough to be treated with the utmost respect; they even brought the small Hearst gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

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