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Guy Fieri
GuyFieri
He was an especially degenerate piece of filth. Sburb Logo
First AppearanceSburb Logo

Age

Born January 22nd, 1968
Died in the 2020s

Relations

The Condesce - Employer
Mom - Executioner
Insane Clown Posse - Dual Presidents

Live(s) in

Formerly Ohio; Washington, D.C.

Planet

Earth

Guy Fieri is a television personality working for Food Network, or rather, he was before he became a genocidal member of the U.S. Supreme Court; unfortunately he was soon to be the only member of said court. He was a supporter of the Condesce, and his rise to power began shortly after she revealed herself to humanity.

He helped the Condesce rewrite the constitution to form an incomprehensible patchwork of fascism, theocratic mandates, recipes, and bad rap lyrics, and eventually weaseled his way up the ranks to become the High Chaplain of Interstellar War.

He was also a key architect of the Hilarocaust, a genocidal program devised by the Insane Clown Posse, the Dual-Presidents of the United States, to purge all those deemed insufficiently mirthful. Fieri was the head of the death camps and personally oversaw the deaths of five billion people. Because of this, he came to be regarded as the third and final Antichrist.

He met his end at the hands of Mom, who rode him down the "bloody falls" like the fat barrel he was.

Real LifeEdit

Guy Fieri is an author and television host, and has (as far as we can tell) no genocidal tendencies. It should be noted that he has a relatively obvious marketing contract with Betty Crocker; some of his own brands cooking tools are sold on the Betty Crocker store, and several of his recipes feature Betty Crocker ingredients. He also has two restaurants, located in Santa Rosa, California - Tex Wasabi's and Johnny Garlic's. Most years, he has a booth at the Sonoma County Fair (also the Harvest Festival), and can sometimes be spotted walking around the carnival.

He has been seen posing with two carrots as if they were his horns; it was unclear if it was a reference to Homestuck.

TriviaEdit

  • In the first Openbound game, Dave unknowingly makes a parallel between Guy Fieri and Crocker. He comments on Meenah being the dancestor to some dead girl he never met, namely Feferi. However, he misinterprets her name as Fieri or something.
  • The "bloody falls" in which he was killed is just a photoshopped image(s) of Niagara Falls.

GalleryEdit


Homestuck Charactersv · d · e
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Kids
Heir of Breath Breath Seer of Light Light Knight of Time Time Witch of Space Space Outline
JohnLogo John Egbert RoseLogo Rose Lalonde DaveLogoSlashed Dave Strider JadeLogo Jade Harley
ectoBiologist [EB]
ghostyTrickster [GT]
tentacleTherapist [TT] turntechGodhead [TG] gardenGnostic [GG]
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Kids
Maid of Life Life Rogue of Void Void Prince of Heart Heart Page of Hope Hope Outline
JaneLogo Jane Crocker RoxyLogo Roxy Lalonde DirkLogo Dirk Strider JakeLogo Jake English
gutsyGumshoe [GG] tipsyGnostalgic [TG] timaeusTestified [TT] golgothasTerror [GT]
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Maid of Time Time Page of Breath Breath Mage of Doom Doom Knight of Blood Blood
Aries Aradia Megido Taurus Tavros Nitram Gemini Sollux Captor Cancer Karkat Vantas
apocalypseArisen [AA] adiosToreador [AT] twinArmageddons [TA] carcinoGeneticist [CG]
Rogue of Heart Heart Sylph of Space Space Outline Seer of Mind Mind Thief of Light Light
Leo Nepeta Leijon Virgo Kanaya Maryam Libra Terezi Pyrope Scorpio Vriska Serket
arsenicCatnip [AC] grimAuxiliatrix [GA] gallowsCalibrator [GC] arachnidsGrip [AG]
Heir of Void Void Bard of Rage Rage Prince of Hope Hope Outline Witch of Life Life
Sagittarius Equius Zahhak Capricorn Gamzee Makara Aquarius Eridan Ampora Pisces Feferi Peixes
centaursTesticle [CT] terminallyCapricious [TC] caligulasAquarium [CA] cuttlefishCuller [CC]
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Trolls
Witch of Time Time Rogue of Breath Breath Heir of Doom Doom Seer of Blood Blood
Aries Damara Megido Taurus Rufioh Nitram Gemini Mituna Captor Kankri Vantas
Mage of Heart Heart Maid of Space Space Outline Knight of Mind Mind Sylph of Light Light
Leo Meulin Leijon Virgo Porrim Maryam Libra Latula Pyrope Scorpio Aranea Serket
Page of Void Void Prince of Rage Rage Bard of Hope Hope Outline Thief of Life Life
Sagittarius Horuss Zahhak Capricorn Kurloz Makara Aquarius Cronus Ampora Pisces Meenah Peixes
Cherubs
Muse of Space Space Outline Lord of Time Time
Calliope symbol Calliope Caliborn symbol Caliborn
uranianUmbra [UU] undyingUmbrage [uu]
Guardians
Dad Roxy Lalonde
(pre-scratch)
Dirk Strider
(pre-scratch)
Becquerel
God Cat Rose Lalonde
(post-scratch)
Dave Strider
(post-scratch)
Supporting
Characters
Jane Egbert Jaspers Lil Cal Jake Harley
John Crocker Mutie Lil Hal Jade English
Sprites
Nannasprite Jaspersprite Calsprite
Davesprite
Jadesprite
Tavrisprite
Gcatavrosprite
Fefetasprite
Jasprosesprite^2
Arquiusprite Erisolsprite
Davepetasprite^2
Carapacians /
Exiles
Wayward Vagabond Peregrine Mendicant Aimless Renegade Windswept Questant Writ Keeper
Agents
Jack Noir (B2) Draconian Dignitary (B2) Hegemonic Brute Courtyard Droll
Midnight Crew
Spades Slick Diamonds Droog Hearts Boxcars Clubs Deuce
The Felt
Lord English Doc Scratch Snowman
Denizens
Typheus Cetus Hephaestus Echidna
Hemera Nix Yaldabaoth Abraxas
Consorts
Salamanders Turtles Crocodiles Iguanas
Underlings
Imps Ogres Basilisks Liches Giclopses
Other Black Queen · Black King · Skaian armies · Genesis Frog · Lusus · Ancestors (The Condesce) · Horrorterrors · Betty Crocker · Colonel Sassacre · Casey · Guy Fieri · Insane Clown Posse · Maplehoof · Rambunctious Crow · Halley · Serenity · MSPA Reader · Ms. Paint · Andrew Hussie · Sawtooth · Squarewave · His Honorable Tyranny · Calliope and Caliborn's parents · Angels · Canon fan trolls

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