Books in Homestuck
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Redirected from Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious
Added by RabbesekingA large variety of books have appeared in Homestuck, from educational manuals to fantasy novels.
R.L Tome 
Edit
| Location Found | Calliope's room |
This ancient tome was written by a legendary Seer of Light many ages ago. While there are some mysterious holes in the account, it nevertheless remains an indispensable resource to Calliope. It would appear Gamzee used Equius' indigo colored blood to blot out particular pieces of information. By doing this he "voided" these bits out, a reference to Equius' aspect. Most of the redactions target any piece of information about L
rd English, who was either directly or indirectly behind every terrible event in the story. Everything about him, including where he came from, information about his manipulative right hand man, his agenda, his abilities, and his name had all been voided out. Most of the other blot-outs seem to target one member of the post-scratch troll group, which can be assumed is Gamzee. Calliope surmises he was easily the least important character in the entire story. How incredibly wrong she was. The initials on the front of the book resemble the ones left at the end of Rose's Walkthrough, and they are also present on Kanaya's visualization of a Troll version of Rose.
Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text Edit
| Location Found | John's room |
Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery is a massive piece of literature by the titular famous humorist, filled with timeless jokes and pranks, first encountered in Homestuck within John's magic chest. It is one of John's favorite books and he occasionally consults it
in order to enhance his hilarious antics. While its content is light-hearted, it has been known to be lethally heavy, and has been used on more than one occasion as a makeshift weapon or component for one. The writing style is dated and verbose, making the text difficult to consult, and contains more than a few racial slurs in its original form, which is unsurprising given its pre-1910 publish date.
Added by MorkLuffarSeveral copies of the Daunting Text were found at Nanna's joke shop, Prankster's Gambit, before its untimely meteor-related destruction. At the time of the destruction, Nanna was inside putting a particularly old, unabridged copy on a high shelf, and was officially reported to have died by it crushing her. Later, John found a very old and moldy copy of the text in the Egbert family safe, along with a note, hinting that it was the very copy that caused Nanna Egbert's death. However, it later turned out to be merely riding the meteor that was carrying John and that impact was actually responsible for killing her. This particular edition was later temporarily used as a weapon by a Crude Ogre, no laughing matter, as the book has shown the ability to smash holes in walls with relative ease. After Nannasprite dropped it onto the surface of the Land of Wind and Shade to save John from a Tar Basilisk, Jade's Grandpa apparently found the book and carried the book away with him to the laboratory in the Veil, where it was transported back to Earth on a meteor during the Reckoning along with John's younger Paradox Clone. The meteor crashed into Nanna's family joke shop on John's birthday, killing her and leading Dad to adopt John, and bringing the book full-circle back to Earth. Dad then stored it away in the safe where John found it 13 years later while playing Sburb along with a note from Nannasprite. Nanna's message semi-prophetically stated that the book's journey would end on the day she died, and then continue even further.
Jane also owned a slightly abridged and updated copy with a few of the more egregious racial slurs removed that had travelled to the post-Scratch universe with baby Poppop, and usually kept it in her own equivalent of John's magic chest. At a later date, Roxy Lalonde accidentally appearified it and crushed Frigglish the cat.
Added by HSF123Combined with the Hammer and the telescope, it made the daunting Telescopic Sassacrusher. John had already at some point probably combined the text with his birthday Con Air Bunny from Dave, and a fedora from his Dad's Bedroom as the resulting Bunny Sassacre Fedora appeared when John, after hitting Bec Noir with the Pop-a-Matic Vrillyhoo Hammer, rolled the Fluorite Octet contained inside the hammer to produce the combination 1-2-3-4-5-6-6-8, giving Jack the Ridiculous Hat.
Rose has been shown to be unenthusiastic about the Text, though this is hardly surprising, given her taste for Darker Literature.
Data Structures for Assholes Edit
| Location Found | John's room |
- "Some people have speculated that Buckminster Funnyuncle was actually Karkat. Which, aside from the fact that it makes no sense whatsoever, is not that bad a theory, since their cantankerous voices are practically identical."
- — Homestuck Book 1 commentary
Data Structures for Assholes is one of John's many computer programming guides. It seems to focus on using a Sylladex and different Fetch Modi. It is insanely abusive, using every opportunity to demean and insult the reader, so much so that it really teaches very little. It even possesses "asshole notes" at the bottom of the pages; these are like Cliff notes but, instead of being informative, they are another excuse to insult the reader. In the back cover is a free Fetch Modus, the orange Queue Modus. In the chapter on weaponizing a Sylladex, Funnyuncle declares that he so incredibly sick of the reader's incompetence that he will illustrate the technique through shitty clip art instead of explaining it. The book appears to be part of a series of similarly abuse-themed guides, as Rose at one point considers getting "Knitting for Assholes". Apparently a sequel called "Data Structures for Assholes 2: Now Written to Accomodate the Shortcomings of the Mentally Retarded" also exists.
Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious Edit
| Location Found | Rose's room |
The Grimoire for Summoning the Zoologically Dubious is a very dangerous tome in the possession of Rose Lalonde. It contains descriptions of terribly dangerous beasts as well as instructions on summoning them. Rose considers allocating it to her Strife Specibus but decides there are some forces too dangerous to tamper with. It is an ancient and forbidden book of black arts, but it also makes a nifty place to set your laptop! Its captchalogue code is later used in the creation of the Thorns of Oglogoth. The book has some connection to the Horrorterrors as it is said that Oglogoth is the first and smallest of the Smaller Gods, appointed in servitude of a vile, unfathomable pantheon of Middling Gods which caters to the whims of the Noble Circle of Horrorterrors, the omniscient, omnipotent order of the elite few, forever cloaked in the darkness of the Furthest Ring.
Troll and Human Etiquette Edit
| Location Found | Skyship Base |
A kind of tome found in exiles' bases, a few (but not many) years in the future from destruction of their respective planets. It (probably) contains rules on proper social interaction in players' societies, making the book's contents vary between sessions. As the Wayward Vagabond was consistently rude with his commands, this helped him form a more effective partnership with John, revealing the tome's purpose - allowing exiles to communicate with players in a proper way and actually succeeding in guiding them. A troll version was seen in Clubs Deuce's exile base. He used it to help him converse with Sollux.
The Etiquette Monstrance from Problem Sleuth appears on the covers of both books.
Dream Bubbles Edit
| Location Found | Derse |
Dream Bubbles is a book written by Charles Dutton. It contained information regarding the Forge and LOFAF, as shown by the excerpt Dave read from Rose's book when Jade entered The Medium. On the day of Jade's "birth", Dutton wrote that he saw visions reminiscent of her planet. Specifically, the process of it changing from its original lush conditions to its initial in-game state as being frosted over. He also mentions Jade herself.
Wizardy Herbert Edit
- Main article: Wizardy Herbert
| Location Found | Roxy's room |
Wizardy Herbert is the name of a wizard-based story written by Roxy Lalonde some years before she began playing Sburb. It was likely inspired by her Mom's bestselling Complacency of the Learned series, which Roxy is a fan of. The titular protagonist Wizardy Herbert, is a cynical and rather irresponsible person. He has been shown to solve his problems by shooting them with his Beretta, even when he had previously admitted this wasn't the best idea. Herbert's accomplice Beatrix is usually his voice of reason. It is implied that he and Beatrix spent some time 'outside' their story, and that their time away from the book's influence has made them both rather genre savvy. Herbert constantly struggles with his own rule, which is to "let the story play out the way its supposed to". The supposed villain of the story is Slinus Marlevort, who is the leader of Serpenook. He is dismissed by Herbert as essentially "a soulless mannequin dreamt up to recite insipid horseshit". The work contains many meta elements.
Complacency of the Learned Edit
- Main article: Complacency of the Learned
| Location Found | Roxy's room |
Complacency of the Learned is a fiction book about wizards written by Roxy's Mom and a huge literary success. At least six volumes of Complacency of the Learned were released, all fairly long doorstoppers. A poster of what is presumably the cover hangs from the door of Roxy's room and features a caduceus on it. The story of Complacency of the Learned directly relates to Lrd English and the Condesce and was written by Roxy's Mom as a passive aggressive taunt to the Batterwitch.
The books' main story is focused on Calmasis' efforts to kill all members of the titular "Complacency of the Learned", a group of elderly wizards led by Zazzerpan. All twelve are eventually killed but Zazzerpan himself, forcing a climatic showdown.
~ATH - A Handbook for the Imminently Deceased Edit
| Location Found | Karkat's Respiteblock & John's room |
~ATH - A Handbook for the Imminently Deceased is a programming handbook centered around the programming language ~ATH (pronounced "till death"). It is an esoteric programming language primarily geared towards imminently deceased programmers. The language exists on both Earth and Alternia. ~ATH is an apparently insufferable language to work with. Its logic is composed of nothing but infinite loops, or at best, loops of effectively interminable construction. Calliope used it as a journal for her various fan fictions. Doc Scratch used it as a scrapbook, and as a weapon.
Books in the Battlefield Library Edit
| Location Found | The Battlefield |
Advanced Frog Breeding for Beginners Edit
Judging from the title, this book apparently deals with the frog breeding aspect of Sburb. This is an incredibly important part of the game, as it leads to the creation of the Genesis Frog. The difficulty of this book is labeled as "EXTREME", though it adds it is "for idiots!".
A Foot Soldier's Guide to CombatEdit
A combat guide for Prospitian Pawns. Most of the diagrams in this book involve a soldier advancing by a single tile, either straight ahead, or diagonally when lunging with a weapon. Rose figures this must be why they are so easy to kill.
Journey to the Center of the BattlefieldEdit
A fairy tale written for Prospitian youngsters. The hero is a dashing young man in a blue hood. He heals the planet from within, but can do nothing to stop its annihilation from above, nor its soon to follow eradication from reality.
Book on Theoretical PhysicsEdit
A book on theoretical physics, and complex spatial geometries based on the hypothetical addition of orbs to the queen's ring. The shapes in the diagrams are very complex. Apparently the book is regarded as nonsense and crack pottery at best. Four towers, four orbs, four heroes; this is a sacred truth. Though we have seen that this is not necessarily a constant among Sburb sessions.
Unlabeled TomeEdit
The excerpt of the tome read is as follows. "Though we adore him, we shall never enjoy his beauteous croak. We spill our blood on acres of black and white so they may cross the yellow yard. At last in Skaia's reflection through broken glass he may find the pond in which he's meant to squat." The tome refers to the fact that the Prospitians will never get to meet the Genesis Frog, and that they fight so that John and Jade can cross the yellow yard into the new session. The "broken glass" refers to the fenestrated wall which they are going to pass through, and the "pond he is meant to squat" refers to the Skaia in the post-scratch session. In fact, the act introducing the post-scratch kids' session is even titled "Through Broken Glass".
Rise of the SlayerEdit
A horror story meant to scare Prospitian children. Writers of Prospitian fiction tend to write what they see in Skaia's clouds. Hence their fables tend to be events which simply haven't happened yet, or happened in another realm. They like to use the word fiction so that kids don't get too scared. Considering Jack Noir is also known as the "Sovereign Slayer", this story most likely had to do with his bloody rise to power and following path of destruction.
GameBro, GameGrl and Game Grub Edit
- Main article: GameBro
| Location Found | Roxy's room, Jane's room, John's room, Dave's Living room, |
GameBro is a monthly game review magazine in Homestuck that John Egbert and Dave Strider read. Though both of them believe that the magazine isn't worth the time, Dave reads it - and writes satirical online reviews of it - for ironic purposes. The latest (and final) issue had a bad review of Sburb; though the author of the article never even played the game, he gave it one and half hats out of five for its inability to "thrash anything" before going into a discussion of the sweet times he had with his brosephs recently. John burns the magazine in the living room fireplace later on. Every issue is guaranteed to be printed on 40% recycled asbestos. Game Grub is a parallel magazine read by the trolls, particularly Karkat Vantas and Sollux Captor. It seems to be written in the Daedric alphabet, and often boasts about "exclusive leaks". GameGrl is a different edition of GameBro, possibly by the same creators, existing only in the post-Scratch universe. It seems to be more female-oriented than the original, given its title and pink fonts. An issue of GameGrl is shown on Jane Crocker's desk, and another near Roxy Lalonde's game consoles.
Spinneret Mindfang's Journal Edit
| Location Found | Impact crater on Alternia |
Marquise Spinneret Mindfang was an Alternian pirate and the leader of a notoriously deadly fleet of Gamblingants. In her youth, her descendant Vriska Serket found this journal in an impact crater. It detailed much of Mindfang's life, and had clues for hidden treasures, including the Fluorite Octet set of dice and massive piles of treasure. Mindfang was also the namesake for Vriska's Flarp character. Through her journal, it is revealed that she had a kismesissitude with Orphaner Dualscar, Eridan's ancestor, which may have been Vriska's inspiration for her relationship with Eridan. Mindfang seemed to have a habit of playing redrom games with various trolls, most of them of lower castes, which Dualscar despised and envied. The journal also reveals that Mindfang had a female slave lover, who is implied to have been Kanaya's ancestor, the Dolorosa. This would mirror the red feelings between Kanaya and Vriska that were present at one point. In addition to being the original owner of the Fluorite Octet claimed by Vriska, she has also been shown to be the previous owner of the all-knowing cue ball, and had communications with Doc Scratch (who called her his protege) in a manner similar to Vriska. Once she retrieved it from Darkleer's home, she hid it with her journal serving as the map, believing that knowing the future caused her more harm than good, particularly referring to her knowledge about her eventual death at the hands of her future flushed relationship, the Summoner. This might actually be the reason of Vriska's confused black-to-red feelings for Tavros. It is implied that Vriska used a map in the journal to find Darkleer's home and the ball.
Trashy Alternian Romance Novel Edit
| Location Found | In Karkat's posession |
This unnamed trashy romance novel was used by Karkat to explain the subject of romantic vacillation to Dave. According to Karkat it's a pretty typical case of quadrant vacillation as applied to an overlapping group of romantic pairings. The two heroes in the middle, partaking in their flushed embrace are a typical lowblood redrom pairing. Their dynamic is the "grubloaf and tuber paste" of the overall story arc. The highblood male on the left is an old caliginous flame from the male lowblood's past, and has reentered the picture. The lowblood male can, of course, continue to court his matesprit and kismesis without conflict. It's a perfectly amicable arrangement that everyone's totally down with, until the two males start to have flushed feelings for one another, resulting in some red infidelity between the lowblood pair. Obviously this is where the fireworks start going off. The red feelings between the lowbloods turn to black, and thus begins quadrant vacillation. Meanwhile the two males are also vacillating between red and black, because they can't just let go of a rivalry so easily. During an especially black phase, the lowblood female waxes red for a notorious and especially brutal highblood female. So they have their thing on the side, but that inevitably starts vacillating too because the original pair just keep spinning like a top. Needless to say it is incredibly complicated and steamy. Rose steals the book almost immediately.
Problem Sooth Edit
| Location Found | Jade's room & the Battlefield Library |
Problem Sooth is a sort of alternate version of one of our favorite tales. It is one of Jade's favorite books of all time. She keeps a copy of the book in her chest. Rose had been meaning to read this book. She thinks it's absolutely required reading for any promising young seer who has blundered into entanglement with the occult through an absurd sequence of events. The book is apparently a reference to a fan adventure on the MSPA forums.
Pony Pals: Detective Pony Edit
| Location Found | Jane's room |
Pony Pals is a series of children's books written by Jeanne Betancourt. One of the books in the series, Detective Pony is given to Jane Crocker by Dirk Strider. It is read in Act 6 Act 2 by Jane. Dirk Strider has changed Jane's copy of the book by replacing words and phrases in the novel to create a vulgar and obscene version of the story that is incredibly silly. Jane has read through the book several times, and again reads the first two pages, slathered in drawings and annotations by her ironic friend. Of all 44 books in the series, Detective Pony was likely chosen to reflect Jane's interest in crime-solving and due to the significance of the protagonist, Anna Harley's name. In one of Dirk's improvised annotations, he suggests that Anna would be a good name for Jane but he doesn't know why. This may be because 'Anna' is one letter detached from Nanna. He also refers to the name "Harley" as a "Dumb name. Sounds like product of speech impediment by imbecile" a reference towards Jade's last name, and its origins as a corrupted version of Halley, indeed caused by a speech impediment. Jane's copy caught fire when her computer exploded; luckily Dad was around to save it.
This Ocean Charles Edit
| Location Found | Rose's room |
This is a book full of beautiful poetry and groundbreaking philosophical thinking by American Sports Legend, Charles Barkley. These are words to cherish. This is a man to treasure. Rose was lucky enough to have her copy autographed by the big man himself. What we can assume is an excerpt from this book is quoted during Homestuck. It is as follows; "April is the cruelest month, breeding lilacs out of the dead land, mixing memory and desire, stirring dull roots with spring rain." This of course, is a misattributed quote and was actually written by T. S. Eliot.
Wise Guy Edit
| Location Found | Jane's room, John's room |
Wise Guy is a book about Harry Anderson's adventures as a hard boiled detective in New Orleans, Louisiana. He is one of Jane Crocker's idols, and had a bit of a history with her Poppop. The two were rivals on the vaudeville comedy and magic act circuit. Eventually the less competent Anderson was shamed out of the industry. The book's gripping tales weren't actually written by Anderson, but were ghost written by someone named Mike Caveney.
The Fatherly Gent's Shaving Almanac Edit
| Location Found | Egbert's study |
A tome found within a heavy safe in the Egbert household. After the safe crashed into the study, this distinguished literature was exposed. It would make sense that it concerns proper shaving techniques. John assumes that it is very valuable to his father as it was locked away for safe keeping, at least until John is old/strong enough to lift the safe. John figures he might read it some day when he's old enough to shave.
The Enquiring Carapacian Edit
| Location Found | Derse |
The Enquiring Carapacian is Derse's tabloid newspaper, dedicated to printing nationalistic propaganda and attacking Prospit at any opportunity. Dirk reads the paper to keep track of what Derse's agents are doing. Two issues of the publication have been seen so far: the first covers the assassination of Jane's dream self by Jack Noir, while the second covers the 153rd day of Jack's incarceration in Prospit's jail and the stalled diplomatic negotations to secure his release.
