Food

Food and beverages are an overlooked, but very important part of the Homestuck universe, some of which are shared between our world and the Homestuck universe.

Food

Cake

One of the more prominent foods in Homestuck is cake. The first instance of cake comes from John's father cooking several birthday cakes for him from  Betty Crocker mixes and strewn about the house. In fact, John has to remove a cake from atop his Magic Chest, just in order to retrieve his Arms. Upon entry into the medium, such confections instead come from Nannasprite, though similarly en masse. Appropriately, Jane Crocker has also been shown fond of baking them, and prepared one for her own birthday party as well, though it was promptly thrown skyward along with the table it was residing on in a fit of rage. Meenah Peixes also likes to bake cakes, similar to her post-scratch's self's alias of Betty Crocker.

Pumpkins

Main article: Pumpkin

Pumpkins have been seen as a source of food for Exiles such as Wayward Vagabond and other Carapacians such as those taken care of by Roxy Lalonde. They have also been grown by Jade Harley and Jake English though their propensity for disappearance have likely prevented any intended consumption.

Fruit

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Apples, oranges, lemons, and limes have all been seen to have been grown by Jade Harley, though the presence of faces may lessen the likelihood that these were meant as food. Jake also has similar fruit in his possession.

Candy

Main article: Candy

Fruit Gushers are given to John by his father on his birthday. Upon realization of their connection to the Batterwitch this prompts his first mental breakdown, and the introduction of the Ongoing gag "THIS IS STUPID." Several unappetizing flavors of gushers have since been alchemized by the children, including "Hellacious Blue Phlegm Aneurysm" and "Bodacious Black Liquid Sorrow,' in addition to Crockercorp's existing flavors such as "Massive Tropical Brain Hemorrhage," "Wild Cherry Apeshit Apocalypse," "Ranch Dressing Rampage," "Cool Fructose Monsoon," "Kiwi Mango Colonic Rush," "Mixed Berry Social Anxiety Disorder," Wicked Watermelon Groin Injury," "Jammin Sour Diabetic Coma," and "Neon Green Ecto-Facial Blast." It should be noted that none of these flavor names actually exist. One can hardly imagine why.

Jane Crocker, heiress to the Betty Crocker empire, has been shown to despise Gushers and has vowed to have a global recall of them, while also inadvertantly insinuating that they may be made from wiggler slime or the blood of those that died from the hungerglubs of Gl'bgolyb, or perhaps, something similar to grubloaf mucus (see below).

Calliope and Caliborn's Jujus are lollipops, another type of candy. Calliope's is green, while Caliborn's is red. They combine to make a red and green swirled lollipop, which, when licked, leads to Trickster Mode.

Cotton Candy appears to be a universal constant according to this conversation between Terezi and Dave.

The Midnight Crew have all been known to enjoy certain respective candies, licorice scotty dogs, Swedish fish, wax lips, and licorice gummy bears. Doc Scratch has been known to keep an endless supply of Scotty Dogs on hand in preparation for the arrival of Spades Slick, as well as “==>”s for the reader, of which Hussie seemed to be quite the fan. Hussie is later seen attempting to nurse Spades back to health with a soup constructed by Ms. Paint from licorice scotty dogs.

Our two cherubs have also been known to enjoy what looks to be raw meat and jujubes, as well as special stardust, though most other races wouldn't consider the latter to be food in any respect.

Canned Food

A large stash of canned food is found by the Wayward Vagabond. The foods found were: Beans, Mustard, Gravy, Bread, Shrimp, Asparagus, Cheese, Rice, Corn, Peas, Flour, Chestnuts, Mayo, Ham, Potatoes, and Squash. These foods were later used to build Can Town.

Doritos

They are featured in the game Dave played on Bro's Xbox.

Orange Creamsicles

Mentioned by Terezi when being trolled by Davesprite. Like cotton candy, orange creamsicles seem to be a universal constant.

Beverages

Soda

Ecto-cooler is mentioned in the commercial that plays as John is leaving his house for the first time, and is related to John's fascination with Ghostbusters.

Faygo is introduced at the same time as Gamzee. This beverage comes in a variety of flavors, though the cola version is the one most depicted in the comic, and is spewed all across the Homestuck universe, typically disliked because of its juggalo stigma. It is thus, however, obviously loved by the Subjuggalator purpleblood class and any other followers of the Mirthful Messiahs.

TaB, a sugar-free zero calorie diet cola, is drank by the Wayward Vagabond in the Skyship Base, much to his subsequently placebo sugar-hyper delight. An Alternian variety shows that trolls have it as well, similar to the universality of cotton candy. Feferi is first seen opening a can. One appears later on the Condesce's desk. However, given that particular can's appearance it is likely she brought that one with her from post-scratch earth, as it features earth writing instead of Daedric Alphabet. It was apparently created by the Condesce as an attempt to curb the subjuggalator stranglehold on the soda market, and was advertised as being incredibly sugar-laden, despite being created with no actual sugar at all so that the Condesce could keep her slim figure. Some cans of the Alternian variety have been seen with horns, such as the one in Openbound.

Dirk Strider also seems to have quite a collection of orange soda, some of which has made its way into his Sylladex. His sylladex features the brands: Minute Maid, Faygo, Crush, Fanta, Mountain Dew, Sunkist, Orangette, and Slice.

Coffee

Dad Egbert and Draconian Dignitary have been seen drinking coffee, as well as the residents of the Veil Meteor, albeit a very disgusting variety from a broken machine, that quickly accumulates an even more disgusting film over the surface.

Apple juice

Main article: Apple juice

Dave Strider is quite a fan of apple juice despite John pointing out its similar appearance to pee. Later on the Veil meteor, he asks Rose to create more apple juice for him to drink but she can't because they don't have any apples and she can't figure out how to alchemically combine anything to create something as ideologically indivisible as apples.

Milk

Equius Zahhak is rather fond of milk, though must be aided in order to drink it, as he tends to destroy the glass that holds it with his phenomenal and poorly-controlled strength. Andrew Hussie has also been seen with a glass, as well as unsuccessfully attempting to feed it to Spades Slick via a bottle while nursing him back to health. However, it should be noted that these instances of milk have originated not from cows or even goats, but from Aurthour, Equius's Lusus. Various trolls, including Terezi and Mindfang have also referred to Doc Scratch using milk as a descriptor for his way of speaking, suggesting the use of milk may be more widespread than has been seen.

Alcohol

Main article: Alcohol

Several alcoholic drinks have also been shown (albeit mostly in possession of Rose's Mom) including vodka, gin, wine, and the moonshine that Rose alchemizes for herself while on the Veil meteor.

Exclusively Non-Earth

Grub

Main article: Grub Sauce

Beefgrub, a form of Alternian insectoid livestock, is used in the making of several butcher's creations such as grubsteak, and grubloaf, a leavened dish, typically covered in a sweet, tangy mucus, and served with tuber paste, something likely similar to mashed potatoes.

Grub Sauce is a grub-based condiment, often mistaken for blood and vice versa. Dave compares it to mayonnaise, stating the main differences are mayonnaise's lack of grubs and white complexion, meaning that grubsauce does in fact contain grubs, and appears a color other than white. If Karkat and Terezi's earlier confusion/denials about Kanaya's death are of any indication, as well as again when talking of Sollux's death grubsauce seems to come in a range of at least yellow to jade.

Questionable Foodstuffs

Mind honey is a special honey used in Alternian apiculture networks, and is known for its mental stimulation capabilities. High level psionics (such as Sollux) should be wary about what effect this may have on their powers and sanity. Sollux has been seen to blow up Aradia's hive by ingesting this substance under Vriska's mind control of his own completely not free will.

At least one Alternian has been seen eating Sopor Slime, basically having the exact opposite effect as the aforementioned mind honey, one of causing mental torpor. The substance is typically absorbed dermally, used for bathing in while one sleeps to prevent torturous nightmares and ease slumber, and one is taught very young by one's lusus not to ingest it. However, in cases of parental neglect, one might never learn this, and instead bake it into pies, washing it down with a bottle of Faygo.