Land sakes alive, we are cooking with petrol now!
Betty Crocker/The Imperial Condesce - Wife
Colonel Sassacre is a famous humorist, and the author of Colonel Sassacre's Daunting Text of Magical Frivolity and Practical Japery.
He happens to be Nanna's adoptive grandfather, rescuing her from a meteor that hit his wife's bakery on April 13, 1910. Eight days later, on April 21, another meteor hit his dog Halley's doghouse. When the Colonel went to investigate, he was accidentally killed by an infant Grandpa dual-mishandling flintlock pistols. Nanna and Grandpa then grew up under the wicked pastry baroness's care as siblings, until they were 13, when Grandpa developed a taste for adventure and departed on Halley's back.
Colonel Sassacre's life follows that of his real-life counterpart, Mark Twain. Mark Twain died on April 21, 1910 just following the perihelion of Halley's Comet. The Colonel also died on April 21, and when a meteor hit the dog house of his dog, Halley.
- The Colonel also shares many physical similarities with Dad. He is currently the only human character to appear who is not either a paradox clone, or the child of a paradox clone.
- It is heavily hinted that the Colonel is a pseudonym of Samuel Clemens, also known as Mark Twain, due to their physical similarities and the date of his death. In fact, both of his portraits in his Daunting Text are in reality edited sketches of Mark Twain himself.
- Another interesting fact is that, toward the end of his life, Mark Twain toyed with an idea involving the duality of the "self," one being the "Waking Self" and the other being the "Dream Self" (this idea was introduced in one of the versions of his last novel, The Mysterious Stranger). Whether this has influenced Homestuck's dream self concept or not has yet to be discovered.