Everybody out of the god damn way. You got a hat full of bomb, a fist full of penis, and a head full of empty.
All caps, normal punctuation, seems to avoid contractions. Refers to Sollux as "BOY" (similar to Wayward Vagabond).
Deck of Cards
Black Inches, Clocks, Hats
Clubs Deuce is a member of the sinister Midnight Crew.
He then comes across Sollux Captor's Dersite dream self. He later acted as Sollux's exile. Just like his kids' Universe counterpart, he appears to love multiprototyped hats, wearing them even when trying to keep stealthy.
He was exiled during the game, and eventually joined the Midnight Crew.
Clubs is the shortest Midnight Crew member. Like the other members, Clubs is perpetually covered in shadow, and he is quite similar to Ace Dick when he aggresses. Upon meeting Ace Dick, he bludgeons him in the snout to establish similarity. He appears to only have three fingers, and in comparison to the rest of the characters in Homestuck, this makes him the oddball as four seems to be the more acceptable number of digits, though it may be a reference to his symbol, the club, which has three parts to it. Clubs' area of expertise is demolitions, and his inventory is cluttered with explosives alongside various club-type weapons.
His current status is unknown, as with the rest of the Crew except for Slick, although unlike Diamonds Droog and Hearts Boxcars he was not punched into the future by Cans. He presumably died with the A2 universe.
Clubs has a demeanor of innocence, holding no soul-blackening rage toward the Felt, or anything else for that matter, and obeys commands without a lot of sarcasm. Nothing seems to faze Clubs, and this trait of his makes him the best at being the demolition expert, as he carries high amounts of high yield explosives with no qualms or attitude problems. If given a more open command, Clubs's responses to what he can do are of the naive nature, making sure to at least fulfill the task given but not necessarily what was actually wanted, such as torturing Doze by tapping his knee and swapping hats with him. Well, it would be torture if Doze particularly liked his hat or hated getting his knee tapped. Let's just say that if left up to interpretation, Clubs responds with his idea of what the command intends rather than consider the intent of the person who is giving him the command. Typically he is completely off the mark and takes stupid tasks very seriously while the more serious tasks he tends to disregard as unimportant, but still does them anyway... Kinda. He gets sidetracked a lot.
Generally, his response toward objects is to regard them with kindness and love, one you would think would be better suited for a guy who was named Hearts Boxcars.
Like the other Crew members, Clubs has five weapon slots and only one inventory slot. All of his items double as playing cards, and he has a hard time remembering what card does what due to his terrible memory. Clubs wields the Crook of Felony/Ace of Clubs, which itself is a throwback to the Hog Cleric's Crook of Fealty, with an assortment of other clubs, including a Golf Club/Ten of Clubs and a Billy Club.
His inventory space is taken by his Deck of Cards, which serves as a Battledrobe. He is the Midnight Crew's demolitions expert, and carries a number of bombs on his person, as well as a Backup Hat/Jack of Diamonds, a Stretch Armstrong doll, Baseball Bat, an issue of Black Inches magazine and a Bull Penis Cane. He keeps two Licorice Gummy Bears in his Backup Hat.
A captive Doze is briefly transported in the Battledrobe.
The one real ability Clubs seems to carry with him is the ability to balance a pack of C4 on his head. How one manages to keep a single card on their head while moving about an entirely green mansion seems like an impressive feat.
Because of his short stature and childlike nature, he is often underestimated by the Felt, and is referred to as "this little guy". This makes him particularly useful for leading Felt into traps and making them drop their guard.
- All of his weapons appear to be different types of clubs.
- He can be seen on the "King of Wands" card with the rest of the Midnight Crew in the Homestuck tarot card deck.
- His name is a reference to his connection with Ace Dick, as "deuce" is another word for the second-ranked card of a suit, which is right below the Ace.
|v·d·eProblem Sleuth Characters|
|Problem Sleuth - Ace Dick - Pickle Inspector|
|Hysterical Dame - Nervous Broad|
|Elves - Hogs - Weasels - Clowns|
|The Four Heroes|
|Mobster Kingpin - Madame Murel - Demonhead Mobster Kingpin|
|Death - Godhead Pickle Inspector - Demimonde Goddess - The Devil|
|The Whale - Candy Mecha - Hearst - Hired Muscle - Honeybee Professor|
|Beasts - Whores - Thugs - Worker Bees - Courtesan Angels|
|Midnight Crew (Spades Slick - Diamonds Droog - Hearts Boxcars - Clubs Deuce)|
|Laborer Wasps - Professor Wasp - Zombie Astronaut - Little White Cat - Fuzzy Man Bear and Sarah|